Same old, same old.

Despite the numerous months that have passed, I realized that even if it seems that a lot of things have changed about me in terms of the tiny details of my person and my life, in retrospect, i haven't really gone anywhere, and i might just be the same person, i just have a more diverse set of experiences...

Outside my comfort zone, i'm forced to endure the pain, and make do of what I have and where I am, in order to fulfill His call for me, and that is to help and serve others, and share His love and life. It's exhausting when the world thinks and feels so differently.

I promise to love, no matter what.

I'm still overwhelmed.

Thank you Lord for loving me.

After spacing out while watching Thor, something hit me.

Hello real world. I finally signed that contract I've been praying for for days now, and then I have this strange feeling in my gut that after being so happy for a short time, and after getting what I want, I realized it's not as wow as I thought I would feel. I actually feel more uncertain about things and about my decisions. But then it hit me hard. Love. As cheeseballs as it may sound, I think that's the only answer. No matter how uncertain things feel, you love.

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So this is what being unemployed feels like. I've only just graduated last Saturday March 26, 2011. I'm glad, the past couple of days came by so fast. Just to break it all down...

March 10 - 18
Silent retreat at the Mirador Jesuit Villas in Baguio City. 8 days of not talking and yet saying everything there is to say to yourself and to your God. It was one of the most challenging experiences of my life. It's not because i'm uncomfortable with the silence. Unexpectedly, i'm very attuned with it. The more difficult part was the confronting of oneself, and the pushing away of all anxieties and insecurities. Never in my whole entire life that I have felt so loved and ironically this was the only time that I was ever really alone. Jeremiah 29:11 and Psalm 139 with sum it all up. :)

March 19
Scholars-Benefactors get-together, and overnight at my house. Good food and good company! This was the day I was informed that I am now an AASA Execom. That was surprising. I'm torn with up to what extent should I be active. But then again, I guess it would be one way for me to give back. :) It was also a bonding evening with my COA barkada. SG-KL team. It's true what Bob said that evening that these people might just be one of my sure friends for life. :)

March 20
ADMU Bad-ass pictorial, Bukas Palad concert, EB food binge. Ateneo is really beautiful when it's quiet. So I guess students make it a little less beautiful. HAHA. I think most of our shots were illegal. Good thing the guards didn't see us. Bukas Palad as usual was awesome. I always get teary-eyed whenever I get to watch them perform. Got to see the EB, too bad Ara and Ken were not there. We ate at Gloria Maris shabu-shabu and went to Moksha as I got acquainted with something-Tiger (i really should remember the name of that drink, I finally met my match, one glass and I was tipsy, oh that's why I don't remember. haha). I'm sure i'll miss this passionate batch of leaders. I've learned so much from them. :)

March 21
Graduation practice, Banapple dinner, and block symposium. Grad practice was the usual. But it was less stressful than I expected. Banapple dinner with Joy was spontaneous as we got to talk about a lot of things about the future and well issues in life. She's been a huge blessing in my life. Don't know what I'd do without her in it. :) Block symposium was really fun. It was the first time I saw Henson drink. :))) A lot of funny stories. It was really nice to catch up. I don't regret staying with this block. I've been lucky to meet the most wonderful and simple people I know. :)

March 23
Heart to heart at the Gesu and Blue Roast
I feel lucky to have met and grown close to Ate Rica. :) I stand by the fact that she truly is one of the kindest blessing I've been given. I also gave my blue rose to Leo and finally I was able to tell him about my silly puppy love with him. Glad that's finally over. I still don't understand why people still need blue roses for them to tell someone you like them. Why not let things be spontaneous, or let it be that expressing yourself be normal and not be catalyzed by some kind of symbol.

March 26
GRADUATION! FINALLY :) I offer it to my family who gave their unwavering support for the whole 21 years of my life and my 5 years in the Ateneo. :) I will give back out of love. :)


So after graduating, here I am, making up for all the lost time of rest and sharing bonds with important people in my life. My only problem is, I can't take the fact that I am still jobless whilst I spend so much on dinners and gimmicks. Every single morning is uncertain. All I can do is surrender it all to Him.

It's 2am on a Saturday Morning, I just came from a movie with a friend, and I'm currently drinking my Raspberry Curant in front of Starbucks Eastwood. There's an influx of thoughts going through my head right now. Like how a simple facebook status can sometimes be a sign of insensitivity, or how 3 minutes can mean a whole new different life for you, or how a single person can single-handedly make you happy out of a hundred other known ones.

I never really have time to figure out these thoughts.

I hope my senior year would finish soon, so the understanding can come.