rainy season once more. raindrops fall as the gloomy atmosphere pattern with my gloomy and fatal being.
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lately ive been seeing myself, and myself only, no one else. i guess this proves how much of a loner i am. i remember my friend (or so i think he is) telling me that "pinili mo naman na lumayo eh.". it wasnt a choice, or maybe it was. it was a choice since i did agree to such a setting but then it wasnt because i there wasnt a choice to begin with (its obvious that i am very much confused at the moment.).
but then, come to think of it, i do choose to not be a part of a world full of lies. i dont want to be in a circus full of clowns with face paint covering them, as if it would hide the truth. i dont want to live in a world lacking with substance, lacking the insight that i need. i would rather stay silent in the midst of pretentious laughter and bitter merriment.
but then leaving the world would not mean leaving the people in it. i guess, there may be some whom i choose to leave behind permanently, because i do honestly, and sincerely feel that i have no impact on their lives whatsoever, and i believe that i have made the biggest mistake of letting them enter mine. but still there are still those whom do not belong to that world, but maybe they are just tourists, visiting for a while. maybe they'd choose to come back home, the way i chose to leave.
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ive realized that ive made a lot of choices in my life. and these choices have caused evident changes. but then, i choose not to regret them, because in the end, regret would lead me nowhere.
*oh no, this post has got to be one of my worst. sorry.
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