It really has been a while.
I can't remember the last time I ever felt so inspired to actually write something about my life. Heck I can't even remember the last time I ever wanted to really as in really seriously write a blogpost because I was actually feeling happy about myself. Usually, it's easier to write something when it's sad because the intensity of the drama would help you articulate things in such a strong and expressive manner. But to tell you the truth, I am feeling exceptionally happy today. Since yesterday actually. And strangely, there really hasn't been much exciting things happening to me that would help me explain my utter bliss and peace. It was actually one of my worst weeks ever.
I've definitely had better days. I missed several job interview calls. I got sick with the flu. I missed several quizzes this week. I missed my programming exam and networking job opportunity. I had major fail moments with my panel meetings for the organizations. I had petty quarrels with some of my friends. My thesis isn't really moving the way I wish it would. I have so many school requirements with the great fear of not actually graduating.
And to top it all off, I have myself to argue with being so insecure and unsure for the past couple of days. I've been struggling with making decisions for myself, with graduation coming to a close and this new chapter in my life is about to open, i'm just not sure if i'm courageous enough to finally commit myself to something that I really want but suffer the repercussions and the uncertainties that come with it. I've been struggling between what I really want and what is being asked of me by other people, and what is really needed. It's not easy when your future is staring right at you and it's shouting "C'MON, DECIDE ALREADY!".
So yeah, I've had better days.
But with much pondering, and prayer, i've seent that maybe things aren't as bad after all. Now that i've thought about it, and maybe because I have calmed down from all the stress, it's not really as devastating.
My situation isn't really like anything that's been happening to those people who are in Egypt right now, or those who just survived the Navotas tragedy, or those children who walk around the streets to beg people for food and just an ounce of time to just get to know them. I guess it's so unfair for me to even think that i've been having a very bad day, when they've experienced so much worse. It's not that i'm trying to make myself feel better because of other people's shit. It's just that I have better things to do than mope around and feel sorry for myself, when I have so much capacity to make things even better not only for me, but also for them. I guess, what I'm trying to say is, there are just so many other things that are so much more important than my current concerns right now, and I can't believe that i've been so blinded by the superficialities of life, that I completely forgot. I guess I was too preoccupied and worried about the wrong things. Maybe the answer's just so simple, and maybe I need not over-think things too much.
Some of the problems that I have are very temporary. In other words, i'll definitely move on and get over them. Like being sick, and school requirements. So I guess there's not much to fuss about.
As for my future, yes it's definitely scary, but I guess, choosing to take that leap will all be worth it, regardless if it'll be painful along the way. So right now, I choose both what I want, and what is being asked from me based on what is REALLY NEEDED. I still have many wants, and i'm now in the process of trimming them down and picking those that matter most. Nothing's final as of the moment, but i'm really glad to have been taking baby steps. Hopefully, i'll get there. Maybe by then i'll gain enough courage to make what I think are the right choices, and those that i'll be willing to stick with and fight for for the rest of my days.
With all these realizations, i've also discovered just now that i've been very lucky to be surrounded with sensible and mature people, and very supportive ones at that. They make all the struggle and sad times worthwhile and bearable. I'm just really happy to have a great family, an awesome set of friends and loved-ones, and of course Him. For a very long time, i've been trying so hard to prove that I am worthy to be loved and be taken cared of. But now I realize that I really shouldn't be trying that hard. I've also realized that i've been so unfair to them for making things extra difficult, when it's an unnecessary burden for us. I'm glad to have rid myself of that weight.
I've experienced a lot of changes in perspective these past 7 days. I realized my life isn't perfect, but it's definitely a work in progress. Learning to be more is truly a blessing. Everything WILL fall into place. I hope for it.
Showing posts with label happy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happy. Show all posts
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Monday, October 22, 2007
HAPPYness is a choice
I got tagged by kathy :)
The rules are easy, just post 10 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 10 people and force them to post this meme on their LJs (or blogger and multiply in this case). Because it is good. Everyone needs a little happiness once in a while.
1. my AJA family.
when i saw that i had to post 10 things that recently made me happy, this was the first one that came to my mind. i love this team, even more, this FAMILY. i've learned a lot of things with these people, and i'm glad that i've met each and every one of them. i have THE BEST COACHES, THE BEST TEAMMATES, THE BEST FAMILY. i'm hoping to know more about them, each one on a more personal note. i'm really glad i stayed. i chose this. and i'm HAPPY i did. it might not be obvious (because of my occasional silence), but i love them.. :)
2. sembreak
vacation can make anyone happy. especially the thought of one not doing anything, just bumming around. after what i've been through during the first semester, i'm glad it was over. it's time for a fresh start. and the sembreak's just the right time to do it. :)
3. HS friends
i admit, i missed these people a lot. maybe a number of things did change (ok, 'a number' may mean more than that). but still, i'm happy that we can still have a common ground. it was fun to hear 'us' laugh together again. HS was the less complicated times. and hanging out with these people was a temporary escape to the less complicated world. they made it seem simple. and im happy for that. :)
4. books
it's nice to read a good book. i haven't been able to do this for quite a long time now, well to read pocket books that is. of course i've read books during the course of the first semester but those were physics and chemistry books which were not that enjoyable. it's more relaxing to read books that don't require much of my analytical and computational skills. :)
5. UAAP and POF
i was meaning to post a separate blog entry about my UAAP and POF experience. but since this situation calls for it, i suppose i'll just say it here. i really had fun. competing wasn't the nerve-racking experience that i expected it to be. when i stepped on the mats, all the anxiety i had just vanished. it was just like randori in the dojo, but with a larger playing area, a ref, a crowd cheering at one side of the stadium, and not to mention opponents you don't know. during the UAAP, it was the first time i got to play with a person the same weightclass as mine, and it was more difficult since i wasn't used to playing with people my size. it was also then that i realized how matches in judo could end in just a few seconds. things happen really fast, and before you know it, you here the ref saying "IPPON!" without you even knowing.
it was something new, and i really learned a lot from it. :)
6. dormmates and blockmates
i might seem to give the impression to my blockies and roomies that i don't care much about them (again with the silence issue). truth is, i'm happy i'm with these people. they're the best. nuff said. :)
7. home
i missed my home a lot. as cliche as this may sound, there really is no place like home. :)
8. cake
hmm, i love cake! brings back a lot of memories. sinful, but delicious! :))
9. television
it's good to be more up to date with the things going on. i'm abusing my time with the boobtube. i'd be missing it come second sem, which is not faraway from now. :)
10. Napoleon, cheese sticks, and quail eggs. (not to mention the profuse amounts of chicken!!).
best party ever! i loved those illustration board-covered cheese sticks. :)
well im surprised i got to list down 10. :) hahaha. well, time to be happy! your turn zandra, patty, gerald, hannah, ren, katya, pia, margo, mimi, mich! i tag you! :)
The rules are easy, just post 10 things that recently made you happy! Then tag 10 people and force them to post this meme on their LJs (or blogger and multiply in this case). Because it is good. Everyone needs a little happiness once in a while.
1. my AJA family.
when i saw that i had to post 10 things that recently made me happy, this was the first one that came to my mind. i love this team, even more, this FAMILY. i've learned a lot of things with these people, and i'm glad that i've met each and every one of them. i have THE BEST COACHES, THE BEST TEAMMATES, THE BEST FAMILY. i'm hoping to know more about them, each one on a more personal note. i'm really glad i stayed. i chose this. and i'm HAPPY i did. it might not be obvious (because of my occasional silence), but i love them.. :)
2. sembreak
vacation can make anyone happy. especially the thought of one not doing anything, just bumming around. after what i've been through during the first semester, i'm glad it was over. it's time for a fresh start. and the sembreak's just the right time to do it. :)
3. HS friends
i admit, i missed these people a lot. maybe a number of things did change (ok, 'a number' may mean more than that). but still, i'm happy that we can still have a common ground. it was fun to hear 'us' laugh together again. HS was the less complicated times. and hanging out with these people was a temporary escape to the less complicated world. they made it seem simple. and im happy for that. :)
4. books
it's nice to read a good book. i haven't been able to do this for quite a long time now, well to read pocket books that is. of course i've read books during the course of the first semester but those were physics and chemistry books which were not that enjoyable. it's more relaxing to read books that don't require much of my analytical and computational skills. :)
5. UAAP and POF
i was meaning to post a separate blog entry about my UAAP and POF experience. but since this situation calls for it, i suppose i'll just say it here. i really had fun. competing wasn't the nerve-racking experience that i expected it to be. when i stepped on the mats, all the anxiety i had just vanished. it was just like randori in the dojo, but with a larger playing area, a ref, a crowd cheering at one side of the stadium, and not to mention opponents you don't know. during the UAAP, it was the first time i got to play with a person the same weightclass as mine, and it was more difficult since i wasn't used to playing with people my size. it was also then that i realized how matches in judo could end in just a few seconds. things happen really fast, and before you know it, you here the ref saying "IPPON!" without you even knowing.
it was something new, and i really learned a lot from it. :)
6. dormmates and blockmates
i might seem to give the impression to my blockies and roomies that i don't care much about them (again with the silence issue). truth is, i'm happy i'm with these people. they're the best. nuff said. :)
7. home
i missed my home a lot. as cliche as this may sound, there really is no place like home. :)
8. cake
hmm, i love cake! brings back a lot of memories. sinful, but delicious! :))
9. television
it's good to be more up to date with the things going on. i'm abusing my time with the boobtube. i'd be missing it come second sem, which is not faraway from now. :)
10. Napoleon, cheese sticks, and quail eggs. (not to mention the profuse amounts of chicken!!).
best party ever! i loved those illustration board-covered cheese sticks. :)
well im surprised i got to list down 10. :) hahaha. well, time to be happy! your turn zandra, patty, gerald, hannah, ren, katya, pia, margo, mimi, mich! i tag you! :)
Monday, August 20, 2007
i'll give you the numbers.
stats for the 6 day "mini-sembreak/vacation":
rating out of 10, 1- lowest, 10- highest:
productivity level: 3
i can say that im not completely unproductive for the past 6 days. well ive managed to plan several things for the upcoming hell weeks. i got to spend time with my family. and i successfully opened my physics and chem book. and not to mention my accomplishment of actually finishing one series (sabrina the teenage witch, what can i say, i missed the old days, i needed to watch something that would lighten my view about teenage life. although i wish i also had my finger to make life a little bit easier for me. haha.).
gluttony level: 9
i cant give myself a 10 for this one! haha. eventhough ive been eating A LOT, i still have the conscience to run up and down the stairs, move around the house with a broom on one hand, and a cone of ice cream on the other. ahaha. *laughs at the corny, but true, confession.
hygiene level: 2
i would rather not elaborate on this. im a mess. next!!
hair-growth level: 5
i would like to clarify that the hair growth im pertaining to here is on my head (for those people who have other things in mind.). i guess hair grows at a high rate during the hibernating season. (refer to post about "buhok")
stress level: 1
it may seem to be too unbelievable, but my stress level has gone down. i guess that's what happens when you're with your family, in the comfort of your own couch and bed, with nothing else to think about except what you're going to eat next! this reflects a great deal about my priorities. despite the upcoming examinations for next week, instead of spending the whole weekend 'nerding' myself out, i opted to relax and enjoy the time with my family. and besides, i do think i need a rest. i suppose, i deserve it. *shushing the voice in my head saying "you should've studied, you irresponsible student.". (im trying really hard to convince myself that i did the right thing. too late for regrets, i think?)
assessment:
i had a blast! thank God! :)
rating out of 10, 1- lowest, 10- highest:
productivity level: 3
i can say that im not completely unproductive for the past 6 days. well ive managed to plan several things for the upcoming hell weeks. i got to spend time with my family. and i successfully opened my physics and chem book. and not to mention my accomplishment of actually finishing one series (sabrina the teenage witch, what can i say, i missed the old days, i needed to watch something that would lighten my view about teenage life. although i wish i also had my finger to make life a little bit easier for me. haha.).
gluttony level: 9
i cant give myself a 10 for this one! haha. eventhough ive been eating A LOT, i still have the conscience to run up and down the stairs, move around the house with a broom on one hand, and a cone of ice cream on the other. ahaha. *laughs at the corny, but true, confession.
hygiene level: 2
i would rather not elaborate on this. im a mess. next!!
hair-growth level: 5
i would like to clarify that the hair growth im pertaining to here is on my head (for those people who have other things in mind.). i guess hair grows at a high rate during the hibernating season. (refer to post about "buhok")
stress level: 1
it may seem to be too unbelievable, but my stress level has gone down. i guess that's what happens when you're with your family, in the comfort of your own couch and bed, with nothing else to think about except what you're going to eat next! this reflects a great deal about my priorities. despite the upcoming examinations for next week, instead of spending the whole weekend 'nerding' myself out, i opted to relax and enjoy the time with my family. and besides, i do think i need a rest. i suppose, i deserve it. *shushing the voice in my head saying "you should've studied, you irresponsible student.". (im trying really hard to convince myself that i did the right thing. too late for regrets, i think?)
assessment:
i had a blast! thank God! :)
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