those dots mean more than you think.

tsk. im so insecure right now.
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and alone.
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i just hope THEY noticed.

i'll give you the numbers.

stats for the 6 day "mini-sembreak/vacation":

rating out of 10, 1- lowest, 10- highest:

productivity level: 3
i can say that im not completely unproductive for the past 6 days. well ive managed to plan several things for the upcoming hell weeks. i got to spend time with my family. and i successfully opened my physics and chem book. and not to mention my accomplishment of actually finishing one series (sabrina the teenage witch, what can i say, i missed the old days, i needed to watch something that would lighten my view about teenage life. although i wish i also had my finger to make life a little bit easier for me. haha.).

gluttony level: 9
i cant give myself a 10 for this one! haha. eventhough ive been eating A LOT, i still have the conscience to run up and down the stairs, move around the house with a broom on one hand, and a cone of ice cream on the other. ahaha. *laughs at the corny, but true, confession.

hygiene level: 2
i would rather not elaborate on this. im a mess. next!!

hair-growth level: 5
i would like to clarify that the hair growth im pertaining to here is on my head (for those people who have other things in mind.). i guess hair grows at a high rate during the hibernating season. (refer to post about "buhok")

stress level: 1
it may seem to be too unbelievable, but my stress level has gone down. i guess that's what happens when you're with your family, in the comfort of your own couch and bed, with nothing else to think about except what you're going to eat next! this reflects a great deal about my priorities. despite the upcoming examinations for next week, instead of spending the whole weekend 'nerding' myself out, i opted to relax and enjoy the time with my family. and besides, i do think i need a rest. i suppose, i deserve it. *shushing the voice in my head saying "you should've studied, you irresponsible student.". (im trying really hard to convince myself that i did the right thing. too late for regrets, i think?)

assessment:
i had a blast! thank God! :)

because i chose/choose to.

rainy season once more. raindrops fall as the gloomy atmosphere pattern with my gloomy and fatal being.

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lately ive been seeing myself, and myself only, no one else. i guess this proves how much of a loner i am. i remember my friend (or so i think he is) telling me that "pinili mo naman na lumayo eh.". it wasnt a choice, or maybe it was. it was a choice since i did agree to such a setting but then it wasnt because i there wasnt a choice to begin with (its obvious that i am very much confused at the moment.).

but then, come to think of it, i do choose to not be a part of a world full of lies. i dont want to be in a circus full of clowns with face paint covering them, as if it would hide the truth. i dont want to live in a world lacking with substance, lacking the insight that i need. i would rather stay silent in the midst of pretentious laughter and bitter merriment.

but then leaving the world would not mean leaving the people in it. i guess, there may be some whom i choose to leave behind permanently, because i do honestly, and sincerely feel that i have no impact on their lives whatsoever, and i believe that i have made the biggest mistake of letting them enter mine. but still there are still those whom do not belong to that world, but maybe they are just tourists, visiting for a while. maybe they'd choose to come back home, the way i chose to leave.

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ive realized that ive made a lot of choices in my life. and these choices have caused evident changes. but then, i choose not to regret them, because in the end, regret would lead me nowhere.



*oh no, this post has got to be one of my worst. sorry.

ang buhay ay parang buhok.

nagpagupit ako ng buhok.

kailangan ko kasi ng panibagong hairdo.

ang buhok, kapag napagupitan na, hindi na maaaring ibalik.

unless magpapa'extensions' ka. pero ayoko nun, mashadong artipisyal.

kaya ang buhok, kung nais mong bumalik sa dati, kailangan ng panahon, para tumubong muli. ang ibig sabihin, matagal-tagal pang panahon ang dapat kong hintayin, bago tumubo ang buhok ko kagaya ng dati.

parang buhay. hai.

paalam buhok. hihintayin ko ang iyong muling pagtubo.

*kayo na bahalang umintindi. hehe.