stress.

i just realized na if ever na sa UP ako nag aral kung saan may CRS, sobrang sumuko na ako. grabe, ang bilis ko palang ma-stress sa mga ganoong bagay. ang bilis ko palang ma-stress sa mga bagay na sa tingin ko ay sobrang imposrtante, kagaya nga ng aking class schedule at program of study sa ateneo. well, i believe na its of great significance. hehe. (hindi naman siguro ako weird para sabihing importante iyon, eh hello acads at future ko ang nakataya roon). at gusto ko lamang maayos na ngayon pa lamang ang schedules para tuloy tuloy na sa registration, hindi iyong papupuntahin ka pa kung saan saan para maayos na. hai. buti na rin sigurong mastress ako ngayon at gumawa ng aksyon kaysa naman pagsisihan ko in the long run.

hai. stress.

salamat na rin siguro. (like i said in my previous post: i LOVE stress. haha.)

hang over.

im embarrased to say that i miss school. dont get me wrong, it has been a very hectic schedule, however, im not used to not doing anything. or im just not used to doing something that is without any extreme need or importance whatsoever. i know i know, im crazy right?

its already been the second day of my two-week vacation and i cant seem to adjust my body clock. ive been consistently waking up at 7:30 in the morning which was my usual wake up time during the summer classes in the dormitory. ive lost plenty of hours sleep during the summer, that i was planning to redeem during the vacation but it seems that in this rate, its not possible. what's even more weird, i want to read my chem 35 book, quantitative chemistry. oh skoog, how i miss thee!! and talk about shakespeare. i miss analyzing poems as well. 'why hast thou left me in despair?'. and i want to throw people around!!! (i miss judo!).

oh, summer, what hast thou done to me?

this is just too paradoxical. (it seems false, however, its true.)


what can i say, i LOVE stress. haha.

drizzles to miracles.

looking outside the window, a foggy sight and a damp atmosphere was evident with the up and coming rainy season (yes, its almost june.). the coming of the rainy season would mean goodbye summer, the sun , the heat, the white sand, and the refreshing beaches. this i saw as a chance wasted since i never actually went to a beach, make sand castles, and the like because of the hectic summer classes.

speaking of summer classes, im finally done! yes, never have i had such a busy time in my summer schedule. i recall my past summer experiences where i just vegetate myself at home with the lack of activities. now, in my college year, its a different case altogether.

ive survived six weeks of hell. (well, not everything was hell. part of it, i guess.)

never have i felt so exhausted. physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual exhaustion could actually lead to someone's death. death in the sense that life seemed such a routine, such a burden, that it was as if there was no life at all. negativties can kill.

but then there is the magic of miracles.

its amazing how whenever God seemed so distant, He'd just be there waiting for you to call upon Him. miracles do happen even in the smallest details. in my case, i was revived, i was rejuvenated. i saw Him even when i was blinded by the darkness inside and outside of me. at the point that everything seemed so lost, everything seemed hopeless, and nothing made sense, He'd redo everything with a blink of an eye. He'd rearrange your life and make sense out of it. i guess that's what happens when you surrender everything unto Him. That even in the face of 'death', He'd be there, making a miracle.

wow, what a leap, from drizzles to miracles.

hm.

i guess they're connected. :)

.

hai. ngayon ko lamang na-realize na kapag sobrang depressed pala ang isang tao, nagiging speechless siya. at tsaka. wala siyang masabi. nagffreeze ang utak, ang lahat nga bagay at tao sa paligid niya, ang buhay niya.

hai.

...

.

closure.

oops. ngayon ko lamang napansin na super tagal na rin pala since nung last akong magpost sa blog ko. may 6 to may 18. hehe. antagal na rin. well. tinamad siguro ako. (trying to be honest here!!) or medyo nawalan ako ng budget for internet at oras na rin. hai. nako. hindi ko na tuloy naikuwento ang mga closure ko with people.

well.

eto na, ikukuwento ko na. super informal nitong kuwento kong ito.

hm. well. yung closure issue na fininalize ko nung april 10 2007 (ang tagal na talaga!), was about yung issue namin nung bestfriend kong lalaki noong highschool. well medyo nagkalabuan kami, imagine bestfriend ko siya for four years (since first year hanggang fourth year highschool), pero nung grumaduate kami at may sinabi ako sa kanyang hindi dapat sabihin ("mahal kita" haha.), nagkaiwasan kami for one whole year. bale buong first year college eh hindi kami nagusap or walang kahit anong form of communication from both of us. eh, napagisip isip ko lamang, na parang ang sayang ng apat na taon, at ang pagkakaibigan namin kung hindi ko gagawan ng paraan. narealize ko rin na i shouldn't have fallen for him in the first place, it was my fault, it time na mag move on na kami pareho sa problemang iyon. at narealize ko rin na wala na talaga, kaya parang hindi worth it na ma sacrifice ang friendship namin. kaya ayun, finally tinawagan ko na siya.

yung tawag na iyon eh long distance pa, tumawag ako from laguna. hehe. well. namiss ko kasi ang bez ko. as in yung kaibigan ko, hindi yung something more. narealize ko na higit na masarap ang feeling na mahal mo ang kaibigan mo bilang isang kaibigan lamang. kaya ayun. nagusap kami, nagkamustahan, at tinawanan ang nakaraan. hehe. hai. parang napaka normal na, yung tipong nung dati pa, na wala talagang ibang inaalala kundi ang pagkakaibigan. ang saya pala talaga, walang expectations sa bawat isa, walang madidisappoint. at mayroong pagkakaintindihan mula sa bawat isa.

kaya ayun, masaya naman ako sa kinalabasan nung closure namin. at masasabi ko na nag start-over na lamang kami, parang 5 years ago lamang ulit, kagaya nga nung first year high school pa lamang kami, only more mature. hehe. well. ang masasabi ko lamang, salamat bez, dahil binigyan mo ako ng isa pang pagkakataon para maipakita ko sa iyong kaibigan mo talaga ako. sana tuloy tuloy na ito. hehe. (as if mababasa mo ito, pero malay natin di ba? hehe.)

ayun.

:)

incoherent thoughts.

hm. napakalaki ng nagagawa ng isang hindi sinasadyang akbay at yakap sa pagtingin ng isang tao sa isang kaibigan. akala ko nung una, wala lamang iyon para sa akin, iyon pala'y mayroon.

nakakainis ang impulse noh? i mean, kapag may sudden jolt of action galing sa iyo na hindi mo aakalaing gagawin mo, yung tipong out of your character talaga. ang masaklap pa dun, you'll end up wondering kung bakit mo ginawa iyon at iisipin mong baka subconciously, yun talaga yung nais mong mangyari. hai, gaya nga ng yakap na iyon.

hai.

nakakainis nga rin pala ang chem. major ko siya, and yet, natatakot ako sa kanya. super nagdadala ng stress. hai. Lord, sana ma exempt ako.

nakakainis din ang play, ang daming kakabisaduhin. ok fine, gusto ko yung idea na aarte ako, pero hindi ko naman akalain na ganon ka raming lines ang kailangan kong kabisaduhin. hehe. well, goodluck na lamang sa play na iyon! hehe. (sino kayang manonood? hehe.)

hm, naeexcite na akong mag june 23! HEHE.

hai, gusto ko nang matapos ang summer classes, para makauwi na ako sa bahay namin at makapag aral na rin akong mag drive (as in yung formal driving lessons sa A1) hehe. wala lng, gusto ko talagang magmaneho eh, kahit wala kaming kotse, haha. anlabo.

hai. gusto ko na rin ng lablyp, panawagan sa mga artista diyan!! hehe jowks lng. pero i really miss the feeling na kinikilig ka. heheh. labo talaga.

gusto ko ng ice cream at cake ngayon! haha. ewan ko ba, ilang araw na akong nagccrave. grabe, now you know kung bakit ako ganito ka laki. hehe.

hm. well, ang saya mag judo at magweights. wala lang. mga perks ng varsity. hai. kaso nahihiya nga ako sa team eh, dahil madalas akong absent. kakainis naman kasi at laging late natatapos ang lab. or kung kailan naman ako puwedeng magpractice, ayaw naman ng katawan ko, either may masakit sa leeg or braso or sa kung saan man, or may unexpected na mangyayari. hai. gusto kong magwork hard para sa team, gusto kong masabi sa sarili ko na i really am part of it. pero sa mga nakikita ko ng nangyayari ngayon, parang hindi pa rin. gusto kong makabond ang team. hai. wala nga lang oras.

hai oras. sana hawak ko na lamang ang oras sa aking mga kamay. haii..

grabe. mashado na bang mahaba itong post na ito? hehe. grabe. super daloy ng kamalayan na naman ulit. para naman at least you can get an idea of what goes on in my head right now.. hehe.

incoherent grabe.

and that day.

i recall saying to my self, i wanted a fun summer for 2007. this however, was not humanly possible once your staying in the ateneo. i know you might be too sick of me ranting for two posts straight about how hell-ish (understated, i think.) my days (or weeks) are currently. well sorry, but i just cant help it. my summer dream turned out to be a nightmare (well not all of it, i guess. still 2 more weeks to count of, and of course, there were better days.).

(better days)

well there was labor day **** (and there is an internal conflict of whether to post the happenings of that date. haha.)

*ang labo ng post na to. haha. kinikilig ako. labo talaga.