alright. finally the blogger dashboard. ive been having a hard time accessing the net for the past couple of days. budget problems i guess? or maybe time management? or just the plain old sluggish syndrome.
so anyway.
what have i been up to lately?
well, nothing really. everything is just NORMAL.
haha.
id say its NORMAL that a friend asks me out for lunch at one very unexpected time.
yep, that is just NORMAL.
id say its NORMAL that i only get 4-5 hours of sleep a day over the past couple of weeks. to think that its only the second week of classes.
yep, that is just NORMAL.
id say its NORMAL that i feel so distant from my family ever since the start of the summer classes. its been so long since i felt that i was still a part of the family.
yep, that is just NORMAL.
id say its NORMAL that i close myself (my emotions, my transparency, my trust) from my friends. i cant seem to muster the courage to open up to the ones that i consider to be open to.
yep, that is just NORMAL.
id say its NORMAL that i cry almost every night and i find myself looking for a hug, but then i find no one.
yep, that is just NORMAL.
id say its NORMAL that i find myself inside the university chapel staring into blank space, asking the higher being what the HELL am I supposed to do in this world, and finding myself with no answer at all.
yep, that is just NORMAL.
id say its NORMAL that i see myself alone in the presence of a crowd, and i see only blurred faces, apparitions of someone abstract.
yep, that is just NORMAL.
so there.
everything's just NORMAL.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
too much bullshit.
somebody told me "huwag mong pasanin ang mundo sa iyong balikat". "atlas" that's what they call me. although 'they' only consisted of two people, two people whom are very important in my life.
IMPORTANT. yes, when i say someone is important to me, it would only mean one thing, that this important thing/person/whatever means life and death for me. that bracket would include God, my family, my friends. which means, ang "pagpasan ko ng mundo sa aking mga balikat" are for them, and them only. i dont know if im being selfish or anything, but is it really that horrible to feel for someone else?
and for those people who say that im always stressed, yes your right i am. however, you have no right to hold that against me. you may judge me all you want, but you dont know what im going through right now. maybe you can laugh all you want, see life as one big game, but we have a different way of looking at things. me, stressing about things is my way, my formula to getting past through life and survive it the best way that i could possibly can. hope that before you even think about judging me of being stressed and too overly sensitive, try to be in my shoes once in a while. we meet different people, i try my hardest to flex for other people, maybe you can try flexing a little bit too.
(hai. sama talaga ng loob ko. sori pero eto talaga yung nararamdaman ko. feel free to comment on this post. i dont know. im just so fucked up right now. it hurts. it really does.)
*happy birthday margo.
IMPORTANT. yes, when i say someone is important to me, it would only mean one thing, that this important thing/person/whatever means life and death for me. that bracket would include God, my family, my friends. which means, ang "pagpasan ko ng mundo sa aking mga balikat" are for them, and them only. i dont know if im being selfish or anything, but is it really that horrible to feel for someone else?
and for those people who say that im always stressed, yes your right i am. however, you have no right to hold that against me. you may judge me all you want, but you dont know what im going through right now. maybe you can laugh all you want, see life as one big game, but we have a different way of looking at things. me, stressing about things is my way, my formula to getting past through life and survive it the best way that i could possibly can. hope that before you even think about judging me of being stressed and too overly sensitive, try to be in my shoes once in a while. we meet different people, i try my hardest to flex for other people, maybe you can try flexing a little bit too.
(hai. sama talaga ng loob ko. sori pero eto talaga yung nararamdaman ko. feel free to comment on this post. i dont know. im just so fucked up right now. it hurts. it really does.)
*happy birthday margo.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
nakakainis (napatagalog tuloy ako ng sobra sobra. kawawa na ang balarila! hehe.)
so bago ang lahat, bago ako magpost tungkol sa closure issues ko with some people, ishashare ko muna ang araw na ito, which is actually not yet over, haha.
hm, well release ng grades ko kanina, yun. eh well, masaya naman ako sa kinalabasan. pero super na-tetest ang aking patience at ang aking paagiging kontento sa mga bagay na binibigay sa akin. hope i could do better though. hai. which is my goal. at alam kong tutulungan ako ni Lord na maabot yun.
at kamusta naman ang kabadtripan ko sa mga taong nagpapasaway talaga. hai, grabe, ang tanda nyo na! magbago na kayo! sana alam nyo na kung kelan dapat maging ganyan. hai nako. kilala nyo kung sino kayo!
godbless na lang sa inyo.
well. godbless sa akin. ayun.
hm, well release ng grades ko kanina, yun. eh well, masaya naman ako sa kinalabasan. pero super na-tetest ang aking patience at ang aking paagiging kontento sa mga bagay na binibigay sa akin. hope i could do better though. hai. which is my goal. at alam kong tutulungan ako ni Lord na maabot yun.
at kamusta naman ang kabadtripan ko sa mga taong nagpapasaway talaga. hai, grabe, ang tanda nyo na! magbago na kayo! sana alam nyo na kung kelan dapat maging ganyan. hai nako. kilala nyo kung sino kayo!
godbless na lang sa inyo.
well. godbless sa akin. ayun.
s-i-g-h (sorry henson, copyright.)
just a few more hours before i'd see that piece of dirty white paper...
s-i-g-h...
*up next, the closure issue. :D godbless sa release ng grades mamaya! *
s-i-g-h...
*up next, the closure issue. :D godbless sa release ng grades mamaya! *
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
kuwentuhan.
tuesday na pala. hindi ko man lang namalayan ang bilis ng oras. siguro dahil nagenjoy (?) rin ako sa bakasyong ito. halos dalawang linggo rin to. hindi na ako magrereklamo. ok na to, kaysa wala di ba?
ang bilis nga talaga ng panahon. dalawang araw na lang, release na ng grades. tatlong araw na lang, registration na for summer classes. anim na araw na lang, pasukan na naman,. hai. pagod at puyat na naman. at siyempre ilang linggo na naman akong mawawalay sa pamilya ko.
pero hindi naman sa panay malulungkot at negatibong bagay na lang ang kasabay ng pagdating ng summer classes ko. sa totoo lang, excited akong makita ang mga blockmates at dormmates ko. na-miss ko rin sila. at tsaka, looking at the bright side, mas magiging productive ang summer ko, kaysa naman nakakulong lang ako sa bahay at walang ginagawa di ba?
pero yun lang, medyo naparami ata ako ng gagawin. well tatlong subjects sa summer, 8 units overall. plus may judo training ng mwf at weight training ng tth. tapos plano ko pang kumuha ng summer job to help my family a bit. plano pa lang naman yun. ewan ko kung matutuloy. its not that im complaining. kasi hindi. masaya naman ako na maraming gagawin. i just hope kayanin ng katawan at utak ko. hehe.
so ayun. sinabi ko sa sarili ko na bibigyan ko ng closure lahat ng unfinished business ko with other people, beginning with those whom i turned my back on. so wish me luck. hehe. update ko kung anong mangyayari. so for now, eto muna. hehe. XD
ang bilis nga talaga ng panahon. dalawang araw na lang, release na ng grades. tatlong araw na lang, registration na for summer classes. anim na araw na lang, pasukan na naman,. hai. pagod at puyat na naman. at siyempre ilang linggo na naman akong mawawalay sa pamilya ko.
pero hindi naman sa panay malulungkot at negatibong bagay na lang ang kasabay ng pagdating ng summer classes ko. sa totoo lang, excited akong makita ang mga blockmates at dormmates ko. na-miss ko rin sila. at tsaka, looking at the bright side, mas magiging productive ang summer ko, kaysa naman nakakulong lang ako sa bahay at walang ginagawa di ba?
pero yun lang, medyo naparami ata ako ng gagawin. well tatlong subjects sa summer, 8 units overall. plus may judo training ng mwf at weight training ng tth. tapos plano ko pang kumuha ng summer job to help my family a bit. plano pa lang naman yun. ewan ko kung matutuloy. its not that im complaining. kasi hindi. masaya naman ako na maraming gagawin. i just hope kayanin ng katawan at utak ko. hehe.
so ayun. sinabi ko sa sarili ko na bibigyan ko ng closure lahat ng unfinished business ko with other people, beginning with those whom i turned my back on. so wish me luck. hehe. update ko kung anong mangyayari. so for now, eto muna. hehe. XD
Sunday, April 08, 2007
brushing up on my history.
9.11.06 post from my old blogger. (just felt like brushing up on my history.)
mixed emotions are piling up. i've been exerting all my efforts to fall asleep just to rid myself of this disturbance. butterflies in my stomache keep churning. although, it is very clear to me. (cant say im not having the same feeling, especially right now, with days away to count off for the release of my final grades from last semester and my summer classes start a few days afterwards. mixed emotions are definitely piling up, although not that extreme. id give it 3 days more, then the churning may highten.)
our schedule was surprisingly accessible. classes start at 11:30 every monday and friday and ends at 4:30 in the afternoon. (ok so this 11:30 class was not really followed through because of the unexpected problem solving classes we were required to attend. fridays were the only actual day for an 11:30 class. which was quite convenient for rushing some deadlines and lab reports. so hurray for the friday 11:30 class! wee!) tuesdays and thursdays start at 9 in the morning and end at 2:30 in the afternoon. (this schedule was quite convenient. after the 2:30 class, me anf my friend would always enjoy the view of the ateneo football field with a cup of instant coffee in one hand. its nice to get away from the noise and the real world for a few minutes. hah. how much id miss those moments.) i think wednesday is the only day that's hectic because its a lab day! hell day starts ta 7:30 and ends at 4:30 where we only have an hour break. (i cant believe that hell day was as hell as wednesdays. i have never experienced anything much worse.) but at least it was better than the previous semester where we dont have a hell day but instead a hell week. haha *laughs at herself for that thought.* (now i'd definitely laugh at myself for having that thought. the load from the first semester was actually lighter than that of the second. hell months were the right term, not hell day, which was actually definitely much worse! [i love the sarcasm! haha.])
oh, i almost forgot to mention, i have a new dorm! yey! well, "yey" for the thought that my sanctuary was just walks away from school, but ofcourse moving to a new dorm would mean another adjusting period for me. well i hope this moving thing would be for the better. *sorry by the way to the one whom i left behind.sorry.hindi ko sinasadya* (my new dorm was actually great! never really did expect that to happen. at first, things were a little hard for me, since my roomates had their own clicks. im not really an expert in the friendly *pakapalan* moves, so its mostly an earphones-my own world sort of life for me in the dorm. but things got a lot better when one of my blockmates moved in. everything else followed. its basically an independent life [with your friends/fellow dormers to help once in a while], to the fullest.)
oh and another thing, my pe is judo! yey! i dont know if im excited or just plain scared! haha. (surprisingly, my judo pe experience was fun. never have i experienced being thrown by the whole class. and attending judo as my pe class opened a new door for me, a new adventure, judo as a lifetime sport, a loved sport, a varsity adventure in my 5 years of stay in the university.)
and im hoping to join the wbc. ive already had a scheduled appointment on monday plus a scheduled meeting for gabay at the same time interval! haha. ok. its official. i am going to die! (wbc, didnt turn out to be what i expected. sadly, my dream to become an ateneo lady eagle was short-lived. it was fun while it lasted though. i met a lot of new friends. but the very idea that it was a club and attendance to trainings were not required, but only for ethical and moral purposes, and i didnt quite find the fulfilment i was looking for, it made me set my priorities. sadly wbc was among those at the end of the list. i have issues, i guess. but i think those are things better left unsaid. as for my gabay and aches membership [my other two organizations], everthything was fine. but 'fine' wouldnt guarantee me of renewing my memberships to these organizations. i'll be thinking a lot about it come the after-summer-classes school break. didnt get the purpose of it all, which i think is a different story, and a different post all together. )
haha. (haha indeed. for the past couple of months of the 2nd semester, 'haha' was my mask of all the emotions i felt. again, another post for this one.)
oh well. butterflies. haha. (a yes. butterflies. but hey, butterflies fly away right? haha.)
mixed emotions are piling up. i've been exerting all my efforts to fall asleep just to rid myself of this disturbance. butterflies in my stomache keep churning. although, it is very clear to me. (cant say im not having the same feeling, especially right now, with days away to count off for the release of my final grades from last semester and my summer classes start a few days afterwards. mixed emotions are definitely piling up, although not that extreme. id give it 3 days more, then the churning may highten.)
our schedule was surprisingly accessible. classes start at 11:30 every monday and friday and ends at 4:30 in the afternoon. (ok so this 11:30 class was not really followed through because of the unexpected problem solving classes we were required to attend. fridays were the only actual day for an 11:30 class. which was quite convenient for rushing some deadlines and lab reports. so hurray for the friday 11:30 class! wee!) tuesdays and thursdays start at 9 in the morning and end at 2:30 in the afternoon. (this schedule was quite convenient. after the 2:30 class, me anf my friend would always enjoy the view of the ateneo football field with a cup of instant coffee in one hand. its nice to get away from the noise and the real world for a few minutes. hah. how much id miss those moments.) i think wednesday is the only day that's hectic because its a lab day! hell day starts ta 7:30 and ends at 4:30 where we only have an hour break. (i cant believe that hell day was as hell as wednesdays. i have never experienced anything much worse.) but at least it was better than the previous semester where we dont have a hell day but instead a hell week. haha *laughs at herself for that thought.* (now i'd definitely laugh at myself for having that thought. the load from the first semester was actually lighter than that of the second. hell months were the right term, not hell day, which was actually definitely much worse! [i love the sarcasm! haha.])
oh, i almost forgot to mention, i have a new dorm! yey! well, "yey" for the thought that my sanctuary was just walks away from school, but ofcourse moving to a new dorm would mean another adjusting period for me. well i hope this moving thing would be for the better. *sorry by the way to the one whom i left behind.sorry.hindi ko sinasadya* (my new dorm was actually great! never really did expect that to happen. at first, things were a little hard for me, since my roomates had their own clicks. im not really an expert in the friendly *pakapalan* moves, so its mostly an earphones-my own world sort of life for me in the dorm. but things got a lot better when one of my blockmates moved in. everything else followed. its basically an independent life [with your friends/fellow dormers to help once in a while], to the fullest.)
oh and another thing, my pe is judo! yey! i dont know if im excited or just plain scared! haha. (surprisingly, my judo pe experience was fun. never have i experienced being thrown by the whole class. and attending judo as my pe class opened a new door for me, a new adventure, judo as a lifetime sport, a loved sport, a varsity adventure in my 5 years of stay in the university.)
and im hoping to join the wbc. ive already had a scheduled appointment on monday plus a scheduled meeting for gabay at the same time interval! haha. ok. its official. i am going to die! (wbc, didnt turn out to be what i expected. sadly, my dream to become an ateneo lady eagle was short-lived. it was fun while it lasted though. i met a lot of new friends. but the very idea that it was a club and attendance to trainings were not required, but only for ethical and moral purposes, and i didnt quite find the fulfilment i was looking for, it made me set my priorities. sadly wbc was among those at the end of the list. i have issues, i guess. but i think those are things better left unsaid. as for my gabay and aches membership [my other two organizations], everthything was fine. but 'fine' wouldnt guarantee me of renewing my memberships to these organizations. i'll be thinking a lot about it come the after-summer-classes school break. didnt get the purpose of it all, which i think is a different story, and a different post all together. )
haha. (haha indeed. for the past couple of months of the 2nd semester, 'haha' was my mask of all the emotions i felt. again, another post for this one.)
oh well. butterflies. haha. (a yes. butterflies. but hey, butterflies fly away right? haha.)
rants:the beginning (or continuation?)
alright. presenting, (trumpet sound in the background)...
nah, never mind.
its the second installment of rants from yours truly.
it was only a few months ago when i decided to move out of the fifth estate, and maybe try to use a pen and a paper instead of hassling over the internet connection availability (dorm issues.). i was trying to run away from a lot of things, and among the solutions (or so it seemed during that time) was to erase my blogger account, or rather, change my blogger url and have it private where people wont have any access with my life and my thoughts (insecurities. again with the issues.).
but realizations hit me (too much mind work i think.)
or to cut the long story short, i missed it. a lot.
which brings me back to this post.
so anyway, this marks the beginning of my rants, or maybe a continuation, i don't know.
WE 'll just have to find out.
*happy easter guyz.
nah, never mind.
its the second installment of rants from yours truly.
it was only a few months ago when i decided to move out of the fifth estate, and maybe try to use a pen and a paper instead of hassling over the internet connection availability (dorm issues.). i was trying to run away from a lot of things, and among the solutions (or so it seemed during that time) was to erase my blogger account, or rather, change my blogger url and have it private where people wont have any access with my life and my thoughts (insecurities. again with the issues.).
but realizations hit me (too much mind work i think.)
or to cut the long story short, i missed it. a lot.
which brings me back to this post.
so anyway, this marks the beginning of my rants, or maybe a continuation, i don't know.
WE 'll just have to find out.
*happy easter guyz.
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