tsk. im so insecure right now.
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and alone.
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i just hope THEY noticed.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Monday, August 20, 2007
i'll give you the numbers.
stats for the 6 day "mini-sembreak/vacation":
rating out of 10, 1- lowest, 10- highest:
productivity level: 3
i can say that im not completely unproductive for the past 6 days. well ive managed to plan several things for the upcoming hell weeks. i got to spend time with my family. and i successfully opened my physics and chem book. and not to mention my accomplishment of actually finishing one series (sabrina the teenage witch, what can i say, i missed the old days, i needed to watch something that would lighten my view about teenage life. although i wish i also had my finger to make life a little bit easier for me. haha.).
gluttony level: 9
i cant give myself a 10 for this one! haha. eventhough ive been eating A LOT, i still have the conscience to run up and down the stairs, move around the house with a broom on one hand, and a cone of ice cream on the other. ahaha. *laughs at the corny, but true, confession.
hygiene level: 2
i would rather not elaborate on this. im a mess. next!!
hair-growth level: 5
i would like to clarify that the hair growth im pertaining to here is on my head (for those people who have other things in mind.). i guess hair grows at a high rate during the hibernating season. (refer to post about "buhok")
stress level: 1
it may seem to be too unbelievable, but my stress level has gone down. i guess that's what happens when you're with your family, in the comfort of your own couch and bed, with nothing else to think about except what you're going to eat next! this reflects a great deal about my priorities. despite the upcoming examinations for next week, instead of spending the whole weekend 'nerding' myself out, i opted to relax and enjoy the time with my family. and besides, i do think i need a rest. i suppose, i deserve it. *shushing the voice in my head saying "you should've studied, you irresponsible student.". (im trying really hard to convince myself that i did the right thing. too late for regrets, i think?)
assessment:
i had a blast! thank God! :)
rating out of 10, 1- lowest, 10- highest:
productivity level: 3
i can say that im not completely unproductive for the past 6 days. well ive managed to plan several things for the upcoming hell weeks. i got to spend time with my family. and i successfully opened my physics and chem book. and not to mention my accomplishment of actually finishing one series (sabrina the teenage witch, what can i say, i missed the old days, i needed to watch something that would lighten my view about teenage life. although i wish i also had my finger to make life a little bit easier for me. haha.).
gluttony level: 9
i cant give myself a 10 for this one! haha. eventhough ive been eating A LOT, i still have the conscience to run up and down the stairs, move around the house with a broom on one hand, and a cone of ice cream on the other. ahaha. *laughs at the corny, but true, confession.
hygiene level: 2
i would rather not elaborate on this. im a mess. next!!
hair-growth level: 5
i would like to clarify that the hair growth im pertaining to here is on my head (for those people who have other things in mind.). i guess hair grows at a high rate during the hibernating season. (refer to post about "buhok")
stress level: 1
it may seem to be too unbelievable, but my stress level has gone down. i guess that's what happens when you're with your family, in the comfort of your own couch and bed, with nothing else to think about except what you're going to eat next! this reflects a great deal about my priorities. despite the upcoming examinations for next week, instead of spending the whole weekend 'nerding' myself out, i opted to relax and enjoy the time with my family. and besides, i do think i need a rest. i suppose, i deserve it. *shushing the voice in my head saying "you should've studied, you irresponsible student.". (im trying really hard to convince myself that i did the right thing. too late for regrets, i think?)
assessment:
i had a blast! thank God! :)
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
because i chose/choose to.
rainy season once more. raindrops fall as the gloomy atmosphere pattern with my gloomy and fatal being.
----
lately ive been seeing myself, and myself only, no one else. i guess this proves how much of a loner i am. i remember my friend (or so i think he is) telling me that "pinili mo naman na lumayo eh.". it wasnt a choice, or maybe it was. it was a choice since i did agree to such a setting but then it wasnt because i there wasnt a choice to begin with (its obvious that i am very much confused at the moment.).
but then, come to think of it, i do choose to not be a part of a world full of lies. i dont want to be in a circus full of clowns with face paint covering them, as if it would hide the truth. i dont want to live in a world lacking with substance, lacking the insight that i need. i would rather stay silent in the midst of pretentious laughter and bitter merriment.
but then leaving the world would not mean leaving the people in it. i guess, there may be some whom i choose to leave behind permanently, because i do honestly, and sincerely feel that i have no impact on their lives whatsoever, and i believe that i have made the biggest mistake of letting them enter mine. but still there are still those whom do not belong to that world, but maybe they are just tourists, visiting for a while. maybe they'd choose to come back home, the way i chose to leave.
----
ive realized that ive made a lot of choices in my life. and these choices have caused evident changes. but then, i choose not to regret them, because in the end, regret would lead me nowhere.
*oh no, this post has got to be one of my worst. sorry.
----
lately ive been seeing myself, and myself only, no one else. i guess this proves how much of a loner i am. i remember my friend (or so i think he is) telling me that "pinili mo naman na lumayo eh.". it wasnt a choice, or maybe it was. it was a choice since i did agree to such a setting but then it wasnt because i there wasnt a choice to begin with (its obvious that i am very much confused at the moment.).
but then, come to think of it, i do choose to not be a part of a world full of lies. i dont want to be in a circus full of clowns with face paint covering them, as if it would hide the truth. i dont want to live in a world lacking with substance, lacking the insight that i need. i would rather stay silent in the midst of pretentious laughter and bitter merriment.
but then leaving the world would not mean leaving the people in it. i guess, there may be some whom i choose to leave behind permanently, because i do honestly, and sincerely feel that i have no impact on their lives whatsoever, and i believe that i have made the biggest mistake of letting them enter mine. but still there are still those whom do not belong to that world, but maybe they are just tourists, visiting for a while. maybe they'd choose to come back home, the way i chose to leave.
----
ive realized that ive made a lot of choices in my life. and these choices have caused evident changes. but then, i choose not to regret them, because in the end, regret would lead me nowhere.
*oh no, this post has got to be one of my worst. sorry.
Monday, August 06, 2007
ang buhay ay parang buhok.
nagpagupit ako ng buhok.
kailangan ko kasi ng panibagong hairdo.
ang buhok, kapag napagupitan na, hindi na maaaring ibalik.
unless magpapa'extensions' ka. pero ayoko nun, mashadong artipisyal.
kaya ang buhok, kung nais mong bumalik sa dati, kailangan ng panahon, para tumubong muli. ang ibig sabihin, matagal-tagal pang panahon ang dapat kong hintayin, bago tumubo ang buhok ko kagaya ng dati.
parang buhay. hai.
paalam buhok. hihintayin ko ang iyong muling pagtubo.
*kayo na bahalang umintindi. hehe.
kailangan ko kasi ng panibagong hairdo.
ang buhok, kapag napagupitan na, hindi na maaaring ibalik.
unless magpapa'extensions' ka. pero ayoko nun, mashadong artipisyal.
kaya ang buhok, kung nais mong bumalik sa dati, kailangan ng panahon, para tumubong muli. ang ibig sabihin, matagal-tagal pang panahon ang dapat kong hintayin, bago tumubo ang buhok ko kagaya ng dati.
parang buhay. hai.
paalam buhok. hihintayin ko ang iyong muling pagtubo.
*kayo na bahalang umintindi. hehe.
Sunday, July 29, 2007
akalain mo.
hai. namimiss ko na ang feeling na kinikilig.
haha.
wala lang! random thought!
mashado na kasing busy sa school work eh!
hai.
love life.
:)
haha.
wala lang! random thought!
mashado na kasing busy sa school work eh!
hai.
love life.
:)
Saturday, July 21, 2007
ayoko nang uminom ng gamot
sa pagbuka ng aking bibig, sa paghulog ng tabletas, sa paginom ng tubig, at sa paglunok, unti unti kong nararamdaman ang pag agos ng tubig kasama ng gamot sa akin lalamunan. kasabay ng pag agos na ito ang panalangin na sana'y pagbigyan ako ng pagkakataon na sana'y gumaling na ako sa karamdamang ito.
mula pa aking pagkabata, tinuruan na ako ng aking mga magulang na uminom ng gamot tuwing magkakasakit ako. ayon sa kanila, ang gamot daw ay makatutulong para gumaling ang sakit. aasahan naman na dahil bata pa nga ako at walang kamuwang muwang sa mundo, susunod ako sa sinasabi ng aking mga magulang, kung kaya naman naniwala ako sa kanila at umiinom ako ng gamot kapag nagkakasakit ako. naisip ko naman noon na gumagaling naman ako kapag umiinom ako ng gamot.
ngayon, matanda na ako (oo, matanda na ang disiotso), napagtanto ko na hindi naman pala nakapagpapagaling ang gamot. sa tuwing lulunok ako ng tabletas, capsule, o kaya naman syrup, higit kong nararamdaman ang sakit ko. hindi ko nararamdamang humuhupa ang sakit, hindi ko nararamdamang gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko. nararamdaman kong kinakain ako ng karamdaman. pakiramdam ko, unti-unting inuubos ng gamot ang lakas ko at ang aking kagustuhang mabuhay sa mundo. pakiramdam ko, hindi nahihilom ng gamot ang sugat na dulot ng sakit ng aking katawan, ng aking kalooban, ng aking kaluluwa.
kaya ngayon, ayoko nang uminom ng gamot.
nagkakasakit lamang ako lalo.
mula pa aking pagkabata, tinuruan na ako ng aking mga magulang na uminom ng gamot tuwing magkakasakit ako. ayon sa kanila, ang gamot daw ay makatutulong para gumaling ang sakit. aasahan naman na dahil bata pa nga ako at walang kamuwang muwang sa mundo, susunod ako sa sinasabi ng aking mga magulang, kung kaya naman naniwala ako sa kanila at umiinom ako ng gamot kapag nagkakasakit ako. naisip ko naman noon na gumagaling naman ako kapag umiinom ako ng gamot.
ngayon, matanda na ako (oo, matanda na ang disiotso), napagtanto ko na hindi naman pala nakapagpapagaling ang gamot. sa tuwing lulunok ako ng tabletas, capsule, o kaya naman syrup, higit kong nararamdaman ang sakit ko. hindi ko nararamdamang humuhupa ang sakit, hindi ko nararamdamang gumagaan ang pakiramdam ko. nararamdaman kong kinakain ako ng karamdaman. pakiramdam ko, unti-unting inuubos ng gamot ang lakas ko at ang aking kagustuhang mabuhay sa mundo. pakiramdam ko, hindi nahihilom ng gamot ang sugat na dulot ng sakit ng aking katawan, ng aking kalooban, ng aking kaluluwa.
kaya ngayon, ayoko nang uminom ng gamot.
nagkakasakit lamang ako lalo.
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
sabi niya.
WAG MAXADONG ISIPIN!!!! WAG MAXADONG DIBDIBIN!!! NAKAMAMATAY!!! - mula sa isang kaibigan.
hai.
ang masasabi ko lamang.
what a positive way to look at it.
or maybe not.
(peace tayo kaibigan. haha.)
i think id rather die.
hai.
ang masasabi ko lamang.
what a positive way to look at it.
or maybe not.
(peace tayo kaibigan. haha.)
i think id rather die.
Monday, July 16, 2007
rants.
topic sa buhay ko ngayon: ang pagiging selfish.
haha. hindi ko pa maipahiwatig yung nais kong sabihin dito, pero ewan ko ba. haha. ang selfish kasi eh. haha. kulang sa simpatya, kulang sa pagiintindi ng iba, palibhasa, mashadong mahalaga ang sariling kagustuhan.i'll elaborate on this, once na mahanap ko ang tamang mga salita. haha.
----
masakit talaga ang maiwanan. umasa akong hindi ko na mararanasan pa ulit yung mga naranasan ko dati nung hindi pa ganon ka mature yung utak at puso ko, kaso, kapag may nakilala ka palang immature na tao or probably, iba lamang talaga ang pagpapahalaga, gugulo ang mundo mo. (oops, ang foul ko na ata.)
hindi ko ipagkakaila, nasaktan ako. naaalala ko pa dati, sabi mo, hindi mo gagawin sa akin yung pagkakamaling nagawa ng mga kaibigan ko sa akin noon. kaso sa nararamdaman ko ngayon, mukhang nagawa mo na, at parang higit pa ata sa level nila. haha. pero ayos lang. pinapabayaan naman kitang gawin kung ano yung GUSTO MONG GAWIN. ayoko lang marining sa iyo na sinasakal kita at kinokontrol ko ang buhay mo dahil kahit na masakit sa akin, hindi kita pinipigilang PUMILI ng mga taong nais mong makasama. haha. kala ko ang tibay na atin. alam mo yun, akala ko, hindi mo ako makakayanang bitawan ng ganon lang, pero nagkamali pala ako. binitawan mo ako. bale para na lamang akong timang dun na hindi bumibitaw sa iyo. hawak pa rin kita, kasi aaminin ko, mahirap para sa akin, dahil ako kasi, masasabi kong naiintindihan kita. eh sa kung gusto mong magkaroon ng maraming kaibigan eh. haha. kaso nakikita ko na higit na mas mahalaga para sayo ang SILA kaysa sa TAYO. haha. ewan ko ba. kala ko habambuhay na, kala ko hindi na talaga. haha. AKALA ko lang pala.
infairness, salamat ha. kasi sinasaktan mo ako. pero sa sakit na nararamdaman ko, natututo pa rin ako. haha. ayos na sa akin iyon. pero sana may matutunan ka rin sa akin. haha. mananahimik muna ako. lalayo muna ako. tutal iyon naman ata ang dapat kong gawin para magkaayos KAYO. haha. nagpaalam ka pa sa akin, eh alam mo namang masakit. haha. ewan ko ba sa'yo. haha.
PINILI kita. kaso, hindi mo ako PINILI pabalik. haha. pero ayos lang. nandito lang naman ako eh. nakakalat lang ako. siyempr, basura lng naman ako na tinatapon tapon, tapos kapag hinanap mo, madaling makahanap ng basura eh, madaling pulutin, haha. ganun ang role ko. haha. basura ng mga tao. ang basura naman, bago maging basura, useful muna. haha. siguro ganon ako, pag nagamit na, pag nagawa na yung dapat kong gawin, tinatapon na lamang nang basta basta. kaya nga wala akong BESTFRIEND eh. or walang tumatagal sa akin. haha. may diperensya ata ako. haha.
haha. hai. ang bitter ko. ang sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit naman kasing talaga. (nafeel mo bang nasaktan ako?)
haha. wala atang nakakaintindi sa akin. oo wala. hindi naman kasi ako kaintindi intindi eh. kaya nga ako namimisinterpret, kaya ako palaging may kaaway. haha. warfreak daw ako. haha. ayokong maniwala roon. i care. yun yun. kailan pa naging kasalanan ang pag-'CARE'. haha. hai.
----
nakakainis ka pala, pinasok mo pa ang mundo ko. haha. ayan tuloy, yung mundo ko, naging mundo mo na. di bale, sayo na lamang ang mundo ko. tutal, hindi naman ata napansin ng mga tao sa mundo ko na naglaho na pala ako. haha. salamat sayo, inagaw mo na naman ang buhay at kaligayahan ko. di bale, bubuo na lamang ako ng panibagong mundo. kakausapin ko na lamang si god na tulungan akong mag genesis part 2. haha.
----
hai. well. sama ng loob ko. sobra. haha. oh well. sana maintindihan ako ng nagbabasa nito. iyon kasi ang kailangan ko ngayon eh, yung iintindi sa akin.
...
haha. hindi ko pa maipahiwatig yung nais kong sabihin dito, pero ewan ko ba. haha. ang selfish kasi eh. haha. kulang sa simpatya, kulang sa pagiintindi ng iba, palibhasa, mashadong mahalaga ang sariling kagustuhan.i'll elaborate on this, once na mahanap ko ang tamang mga salita. haha.
----
masakit talaga ang maiwanan. umasa akong hindi ko na mararanasan pa ulit yung mga naranasan ko dati nung hindi pa ganon ka mature yung utak at puso ko, kaso, kapag may nakilala ka palang immature na tao or probably, iba lamang talaga ang pagpapahalaga, gugulo ang mundo mo. (oops, ang foul ko na ata.)
hindi ko ipagkakaila, nasaktan ako. naaalala ko pa dati, sabi mo, hindi mo gagawin sa akin yung pagkakamaling nagawa ng mga kaibigan ko sa akin noon. kaso sa nararamdaman ko ngayon, mukhang nagawa mo na, at parang higit pa ata sa level nila. haha. pero ayos lang. pinapabayaan naman kitang gawin kung ano yung GUSTO MONG GAWIN. ayoko lang marining sa iyo na sinasakal kita at kinokontrol ko ang buhay mo dahil kahit na masakit sa akin, hindi kita pinipigilang PUMILI ng mga taong nais mong makasama. haha. kala ko ang tibay na atin. alam mo yun, akala ko, hindi mo ako makakayanang bitawan ng ganon lang, pero nagkamali pala ako. binitawan mo ako. bale para na lamang akong timang dun na hindi bumibitaw sa iyo. hawak pa rin kita, kasi aaminin ko, mahirap para sa akin, dahil ako kasi, masasabi kong naiintindihan kita. eh sa kung gusto mong magkaroon ng maraming kaibigan eh. haha. kaso nakikita ko na higit na mas mahalaga para sayo ang SILA kaysa sa TAYO. haha. ewan ko ba. kala ko habambuhay na, kala ko hindi na talaga. haha. AKALA ko lang pala.
infairness, salamat ha. kasi sinasaktan mo ako. pero sa sakit na nararamdaman ko, natututo pa rin ako. haha. ayos na sa akin iyon. pero sana may matutunan ka rin sa akin. haha. mananahimik muna ako. lalayo muna ako. tutal iyon naman ata ang dapat kong gawin para magkaayos KAYO. haha. nagpaalam ka pa sa akin, eh alam mo namang masakit. haha. ewan ko ba sa'yo. haha.
PINILI kita. kaso, hindi mo ako PINILI pabalik. haha. pero ayos lang. nandito lang naman ako eh. nakakalat lang ako. siyempr, basura lng naman ako na tinatapon tapon, tapos kapag hinanap mo, madaling makahanap ng basura eh, madaling pulutin, haha. ganun ang role ko. haha. basura ng mga tao. ang basura naman, bago maging basura, useful muna. haha. siguro ganon ako, pag nagamit na, pag nagawa na yung dapat kong gawin, tinatapon na lamang nang basta basta. kaya nga wala akong BESTFRIEND eh. or walang tumatagal sa akin. haha. may diperensya ata ako. haha.
haha. hai. ang bitter ko. ang sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit sakit naman kasing talaga. (nafeel mo bang nasaktan ako?)
haha. wala atang nakakaintindi sa akin. oo wala. hindi naman kasi ako kaintindi intindi eh. kaya nga ako namimisinterpret, kaya ako palaging may kaaway. haha. warfreak daw ako. haha. ayokong maniwala roon. i care. yun yun. kailan pa naging kasalanan ang pag-'CARE'. haha. hai.
----
nakakainis ka pala, pinasok mo pa ang mundo ko. haha. ayan tuloy, yung mundo ko, naging mundo mo na. di bale, sayo na lamang ang mundo ko. tutal, hindi naman ata napansin ng mga tao sa mundo ko na naglaho na pala ako. haha. salamat sayo, inagaw mo na naman ang buhay at kaligayahan ko. di bale, bubuo na lamang ako ng panibagong mundo. kakausapin ko na lamang si god na tulungan akong mag genesis part 2. haha.
----
hai. well. sama ng loob ko. sobra. haha. oh well. sana maintindihan ako ng nagbabasa nito. iyon kasi ang kailangan ko ngayon eh, yung iintindi sa akin.
...
Monday, July 09, 2007
pasan
ok, so for the nth time, bothered na naman ako. haha. naaalala ko kanina nakausap ko yung nanay ko regarding sa stress na nararamdaman ko. hai. sabi niya mag relax daw ako kapag nasa dorm ako. ngayon na-realize ko na mahirap palang gawin iyon. lalo pa't kapag minsan ang dorm (or rather yung mga tao dun) yung nagdadala ng stress sa iyo. hindi ko nga maintindihan kung paano nagwowork yun eh. hai, siguro kasi pag stressed yung mga dormmates ko, nasstress na rin ako. eh madalas pa man din silang nasstress. hai. not to mention yung mga panahon din namang stressed din ako sa mga bagay bagay sa paligid ko. hai. ewan ko ba sa sarili ko. marahil kasi nais ko lamang na makatulong sa kanila, dahil mahalaga sila para sa akin. kaya para bang pasan ko ang buong mundo dahil pati yung mundong pasan nila ay pinapasan ko rin. so parang buong universe na siguro yung pasan pasan ko. kamusta naman ang balikat ko di ba?. hai. kasi naman ako, nagpapaka hero nalang lagi. ang gusto ko, in one way or another, may naililigtas ako. may naitutulong ako sa kanila. kaya tuloy ganito yung nangyayari sa akin. hai. kelan kaya darating ang panahon na ako naman ang ililigtas noh? lahat naman siguro ng mga super heroes may mga pagkakataon na kinakailangan rin nila ng mga heroes na magliligtas sa kanila. lahat naman siguro ng heroes may weakness. haha. wala lang, kung baga kay superman, nasaksakan na siguro siya ng kryptonite, at tinitiis niya na lamang siguro ang panghihina hanggang sa marating niya ang katapusan. well, siguro hanggang sa dumating ang magliligtas sa kanya. hai. nakakasawa rin kasi minsan na pasanin ang mundo ng iba. hai. sana may iba ring makatutulong man lamang sa akin na pasanin ang mundo ko. wala lang. ang masaklap pa roon, parang iba yung bigat nang mundo ko. or baka feel ko lamang iyon dahil ako yung may pasan. hay ewan ko ba.
hai.
iligtas niyo ako sa mundong pinapasan ko.
hai.
iligtas niyo ako sa mundong pinapasan ko.
Sunday, July 08, 2007
well, there was a certain someone who asked me to update my blog. haha. at least im happy to know that someone still appreciates my rants despite the boredom that it might inflict on those that even dare to read them. (haha, actually, hindi niya naman talaga sinabi na magpost ako. more on naghint lang. at dahil assuming ako, magpopost na rin ako! hehe.)
ive been listening to the song 'boston by augustana' and 'home by michael buble' for over two weeks now.
here are the lyrics:
"Boston"
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,
You don't know me, you don't even care...
Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.
"Home"
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me
Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home
i guess these songs served as an expression of what my current emotions are right now.
-ive been away from my family for so long already.
yup, its been i think three weeks (see, im even uncertain of how long it has been.) since i passed those gigantic trees, and the white rusty gate of ours in the bel air community. haha. i have my reasons for not going home. among the most evident would be the demands of my academic life, too much homework, long tests (2 na agad!!!), and papers (english, chem, and physics, hai.). but i suppose that this reason was just a small percentage of what my intentions were for not coming home. for one,i dont like the idea of some certain person staying there. she's been gone for almost my whole life then all of a sudden she intrudes in our family. i just couldnt stand the idea of her sending out mean feedbacks about my mom and my dad to think that they've been exerting all their efforts just to please her. i honestly dont want to see her. i dont even want to come near her, not even an inch. i cant even accept the fact that her blood runs in my veins. (forgive me for being so harsh.) and i also cannot accept the fact that ive been forcing myself to be away from the people i love just because of her presence. i really really miss my mom, my dad, my brother, and my sister. i cannot believe that they've been really far from me (literally and figuratively) especially during this time period when i extremely need their presence. i really miss them. i really want to go home.
-i feel that ive been neglected and unappreciated by the ones i love.
i dont know. it seems that i have been exerting all my efforts to be a friend (or even more) to certain people, but it seems that they never seem to notice this. it feels as if it did not matter whether i'd be there or not. not even a simple hi or hello, nor a thank for my simple feats for them. i guess i have no impact to their lives. if my presence had no impact to them, what more to those people whom dont know me as much as these people do. it really hurts to think that my efforts have not been given attention to.
-i feel as if no one knows me
i suppose that this has been the most hurtful of all. even though i try to reach out and share my thoughts to certain people, it seems that they do not understand. they try to understand, however, they truly do not. i guess they dont know me. they could not put themselves in my shoes even once in a while. its sad to think that certain people judge me, to think that they dont even know me, more so when those people whom are closest to me seem to not really know me at all. i honestly do need someone to talk to, or at least have someone who would sympathize and empathize with me, however, ive been fearful of expressing my thoughts and emotions.
i really do just want to runaway. i want to run as fast and as far away as possible where im a total stanger to everyone around me. i want to forget all the pain and the hurt that inflicted me. i want an easy way out to all my problems and my stresses. i want another chance to look for the things that i see are missing in my life. i want to meet knew people. i want to have a chance to be a different person altogether.
but then again,
reality would never let me.
i guess that's why i just listen to these songs.
because then in those few minutes of tracks,
i get to change my reality.
ive been listening to the song 'boston by augustana' and 'home by michael buble' for over two weeks now.
here are the lyrics:
"Boston"
In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...
You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
She said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,
You don't know me, you don't even care...
Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Yeah Boston...
Where no one knows my name.
"Home"
Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm
Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that
Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home
Let me go home
I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home
And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
'Cause this was not your dream
But you always believed in me
Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home
And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know
Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home
i guess these songs served as an expression of what my current emotions are right now.
-ive been away from my family for so long already.
yup, its been i think three weeks (see, im even uncertain of how long it has been.) since i passed those gigantic trees, and the white rusty gate of ours in the bel air community. haha. i have my reasons for not going home. among the most evident would be the demands of my academic life, too much homework, long tests (2 na agad!!!), and papers (english, chem, and physics, hai.). but i suppose that this reason was just a small percentage of what my intentions were for not coming home. for one,i dont like the idea of some certain person staying there. she's been gone for almost my whole life then all of a sudden she intrudes in our family. i just couldnt stand the idea of her sending out mean feedbacks about my mom and my dad to think that they've been exerting all their efforts just to please her. i honestly dont want to see her. i dont even want to come near her, not even an inch. i cant even accept the fact that her blood runs in my veins. (forgive me for being so harsh.) and i also cannot accept the fact that ive been forcing myself to be away from the people i love just because of her presence. i really really miss my mom, my dad, my brother, and my sister. i cannot believe that they've been really far from me (literally and figuratively) especially during this time period when i extremely need their presence. i really miss them. i really want to go home.
-i feel that ive been neglected and unappreciated by the ones i love.
i dont know. it seems that i have been exerting all my efforts to be a friend (or even more) to certain people, but it seems that they never seem to notice this. it feels as if it did not matter whether i'd be there or not. not even a simple hi or hello, nor a thank for my simple feats for them. i guess i have no impact to their lives. if my presence had no impact to them, what more to those people whom dont know me as much as these people do. it really hurts to think that my efforts have not been given attention to.
-i feel as if no one knows me
i suppose that this has been the most hurtful of all. even though i try to reach out and share my thoughts to certain people, it seems that they do not understand. they try to understand, however, they truly do not. i guess they dont know me. they could not put themselves in my shoes even once in a while. its sad to think that certain people judge me, to think that they dont even know me, more so when those people whom are closest to me seem to not really know me at all. i honestly do need someone to talk to, or at least have someone who would sympathize and empathize with me, however, ive been fearful of expressing my thoughts and emotions.
i really do just want to runaway. i want to run as fast and as far away as possible where im a total stanger to everyone around me. i want to forget all the pain and the hurt that inflicted me. i want an easy way out to all my problems and my stresses. i want another chance to look for the things that i see are missing in my life. i want to meet knew people. i want to have a chance to be a different person altogether.
but then again,
reality would never let me.
i guess that's why i just listen to these songs.
because then in those few minutes of tracks,
i get to change my reality.
Friday, June 29, 2007
tanong.
how could something that feels so right be so wrong?
hai.
masakit pala kapag napunta ka sa isang sitwasyon na wala kang magagawa kundi ang tanggapin ito. kahit na ba nararamdaman mong tamang tama ang isang sitwasyon, as long as hindi ito 'meant to be', wala ring mangyayari.
hai. kanina ko pa pinipilit sagutin ang tanong na ito.
kung sino man ang may alam,
pakisagot naman.
(kung maaari lamang, IKAW nalamang ang sumagot. para diretso na. hehe.)
hai.
masakit pala kapag napunta ka sa isang sitwasyon na wala kang magagawa kundi ang tanggapin ito. kahit na ba nararamdaman mong tamang tama ang isang sitwasyon, as long as hindi ito 'meant to be', wala ring mangyayari.
hai. kanina ko pa pinipilit sagutin ang tanong na ito.
kung sino man ang may alam,
pakisagot naman.
(kung maaari lamang, IKAW nalamang ang sumagot. para diretso na. hehe.)
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
inevitable.
its funny how things change in just a split second. (well maybe not a second, maybe a few hours, a day or two.) by thing i mean several different aspects like your emotions, your thoughts, your mood, how you interact with people, your heartbeat, your movements, your friends, your physical feelings, your love for someone and all other your "type something here" that exists and is capable of change.
i observed this starting last night till tonight. (man, how i suck, ngayon ko lamang iyon na realize! how much of a loser can i get! haha.) well, i dont know. ive been seeing a lot of changes. well maybe i did not only observed it last night, maybe for the past couple of days. i dont know. it feels really odd, one day your just having fun with your friends, then all of a sudden you're like aliens with each other. i cant understand how that really goes but it really sucks to think that things work out that way.
as for moods, there is what one calls a moodswing. but i honestly cant imagine how one can have 5 different moods in just 2 hours. haha. (sorry. grabe ka naman kasi. or grabe ako. haha. or grabe tayo! hai!)
as for the love for someone, it fluctuates like crazy! maybe because of several factors like jealousy, et. al. haha. one moment you love him, then all of a sudden you hate him so much.
as for interaction with other people. one time your with someone then after a few minutes your with a different person. i think i see the disadvantages of this. there is a saying of "quality over quantity". i think this situation applies to this. id rather be with the same people and build deep relationships with them than to be with countless numbers of people and just maintain a shallow relationship. (as in yung tawa nalang ng tawa. hai. ewan ko. iba siguro definition ko ng relationship and friendship.) well, im not capable of muti tasking with everyone, cause the way i see it, you cant have all of them, there will always be sacrifices.
as for thoughts, i suppose it never became constant. after thinking of something, it changes to another something, and back to the other something, and then a new something again. i dont know if im crazy or anything but its just that i have a lot of things in my head right now that i find it hard to focus on one thought, there always has to be change, and my head cant stop thinking.
and as for those " all other 'things' " , well, id rather not mention them. itd be too long of a list and meaning more consumed time for you readers. haha.
well. changes do occur, even in the shortest intervals, and in the most unexpected moments.
and no matter how you try to avoid it.
there will always be changes.
like now.
.
i observed this starting last night till tonight. (man, how i suck, ngayon ko lamang iyon na realize! how much of a loser can i get! haha.) well, i dont know. ive been seeing a lot of changes. well maybe i did not only observed it last night, maybe for the past couple of days. i dont know. it feels really odd, one day your just having fun with your friends, then all of a sudden you're like aliens with each other. i cant understand how that really goes but it really sucks to think that things work out that way.
as for moods, there is what one calls a moodswing. but i honestly cant imagine how one can have 5 different moods in just 2 hours. haha. (sorry. grabe ka naman kasi. or grabe ako. haha. or grabe tayo! hai!)
as for the love for someone, it fluctuates like crazy! maybe because of several factors like jealousy, et. al. haha. one moment you love him, then all of a sudden you hate him so much.
as for interaction with other people. one time your with someone then after a few minutes your with a different person. i think i see the disadvantages of this. there is a saying of "quality over quantity". i think this situation applies to this. id rather be with the same people and build deep relationships with them than to be with countless numbers of people and just maintain a shallow relationship. (as in yung tawa nalang ng tawa. hai. ewan ko. iba siguro definition ko ng relationship and friendship.) well, im not capable of muti tasking with everyone, cause the way i see it, you cant have all of them, there will always be sacrifices.
as for thoughts, i suppose it never became constant. after thinking of something, it changes to another something, and back to the other something, and then a new something again. i dont know if im crazy or anything but its just that i have a lot of things in my head right now that i find it hard to focus on one thought, there always has to be change, and my head cant stop thinking.
and as for those " all other 'things' " , well, id rather not mention them. itd be too long of a list and meaning more consumed time for you readers. haha.
well. changes do occur, even in the shortest intervals, and in the most unexpected moments.
and no matter how you try to avoid it.
there will always be changes.
like now.
.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
waaaaah! nagwala na! haha!
ang lamig pala sa library kapag gabi. wala lang. nandito ako ngayon sa ateneo rizal library. nagmumuni muni. actually kanina ko pa gustong mapag isa at mag isip. kaso hindi pala iyon posible.
grabe, ang sakit ng katawan. katatapos lamang ng weights. then diretso sa acad meeting/snackout sa gabay. hm, hindi rin hectic noh? pero hindi naman sa sobrang nagrereklamo ako. choice ko namang umatend sa pareho. pero pagod talaga ako.
ayon. ano pa ba?
well, ang lungkot ko the past few days.
nagsimula ang lahat nung debut ko. hai. dont get me wrong, i like the idea na legal na ako at dumating naman ang mga taong nais kong makita roon, pero siyempre, marami pa ring kulang. basta, ang laki-laki nung kulang. hai. pero salamat pa rin sa aking mga magulang dahil alam kong pinaghirapan nila iyon. hai. pero ewan ko. minsan naiisip ko, sana hindi nalang ako nag-debut. hai.
ano pa ba?...
well, ewan ko. lately nasasaktan ako. most probably dahil sa mga nakikita ko. ayoko na maghintay. umasa pa ako sa wala. haha. ang tanga ko talaga. hai. kakainis naman kasi eh. hai. sinusubukan ko na lamang munang tanggalin ang thought sa sistema ko.
hm.
well wala pa akong matinong tulog. at siyempre, patong patong na gawain. pero well, wala naman akong karapatang magreklamo, dahil gaya nga ng sabi nila, pinili ko naman iyon.
hai.
namimiss ko na nga pala ang mga magulang ko. at ang pamilya ko. happy birthday pala sa tita ko at sa kapatid kong babae. mahal ko kau.
hai.
salamat nga pala sa isang tao diyan na malamang lamang na hindi niya ito mababasa. haha. wala lang. natouch ako ngayong mga nakaraang araw. hai. kung meron man akong dapat ikasaya, eh dahil nandyan ka. at alam naman nating parehong kailangan natin ang bawat isa. hai. ipit nga lang ako sa sitwasyon. pero masayang masaya ako at nagpapasalamat. sana nandito ka ngayon sa library at pinakikinggan ang mga hinaing ko. hai. at alam kong pagod ka rin, pero kakayanin mo iyan. nandito ako. at im sure, makikita mo rin ang hinahanap mo.
hm.
nakakainis, wala akong maisip na topic sa english. kasi naman, wala akong alam sa mga current issues. hai.
excited na akong magtraining ng judo bukas! maglalabas na lamang ako ng sama ng loob.
hai.
in fairness, kailangan ko ng kausap. haha, as in yung seryoso. ewan ko. kumuha na kaya ako ng personal shrink.
or magsisismba na lamang ako?
in fairness, miss ko na si Lord.
ewan ko. mashado kasing busy.
hai. RETREAT! haha. labo.
uy infairness nakakatulong pala itong tina-type ko ngayon. haha. nakagagaan ng loob. pero mas ok sana kung nagsasalita yung screen o kaya naman eh nayayakap ako nung screen. hai. i need a hug. hindi nga lang ata halatang ganung klase ako ng tao. haha.
o ayan, may nagtext. ay, globe lang pala. kala ko may nagmamahal. haha. asa naman. patay ang text life ko.
naku, bigla kong naalala na may test pala kami sa english bukas. haha. wala pa akong alam.
at nakakainis, ang bobo ko sa math at physics. sobra. mamatay na ako. haha.
kumusta naman ang self-esteem ko di ba?.. wala na. zero na. poof.!
haha. anlabo ko talaga.
nararamdaman kong namamanhid na ang kamay ko sa sobrang lamig. (anlabo ata nun. nararamdaman ang namamanhid. WEIRD!)
haha.
kailangan ko na palang ayusin ang mga bagay na gagawin ko.
hehehe.
hindi na ako magkanda ugaga sa kung ano ang uunahin eh.
hehe.
malapit na pala ang long tests. haha.
godbless na lamang sa akin.
shet. ang bobo ko talaga.
ang tanga ko pa.
ahaha. labo talaga.
hai. tama na nga. haha.
*ang labo ng post, pero siguro sobrang nag-make sense na rin. haha. labo. pero may sense. weeeee.. 8) *
hai...
grabe, ang sakit ng katawan. katatapos lamang ng weights. then diretso sa acad meeting/snackout sa gabay. hm, hindi rin hectic noh? pero hindi naman sa sobrang nagrereklamo ako. choice ko namang umatend sa pareho. pero pagod talaga ako.
ayon. ano pa ba?
well, ang lungkot ko the past few days.
nagsimula ang lahat nung debut ko. hai. dont get me wrong, i like the idea na legal na ako at dumating naman ang mga taong nais kong makita roon, pero siyempre, marami pa ring kulang. basta, ang laki-laki nung kulang. hai. pero salamat pa rin sa aking mga magulang dahil alam kong pinaghirapan nila iyon. hai. pero ewan ko. minsan naiisip ko, sana hindi nalang ako nag-debut. hai.
ano pa ba?...
well, ewan ko. lately nasasaktan ako. most probably dahil sa mga nakikita ko. ayoko na maghintay. umasa pa ako sa wala. haha. ang tanga ko talaga. hai. kakainis naman kasi eh. hai. sinusubukan ko na lamang munang tanggalin ang thought sa sistema ko.
hm.
well wala pa akong matinong tulog. at siyempre, patong patong na gawain. pero well, wala naman akong karapatang magreklamo, dahil gaya nga ng sabi nila, pinili ko naman iyon.
hai.
namimiss ko na nga pala ang mga magulang ko. at ang pamilya ko. happy birthday pala sa tita ko at sa kapatid kong babae. mahal ko kau.
hai.
salamat nga pala sa isang tao diyan na malamang lamang na hindi niya ito mababasa. haha. wala lang. natouch ako ngayong mga nakaraang araw. hai. kung meron man akong dapat ikasaya, eh dahil nandyan ka. at alam naman nating parehong kailangan natin ang bawat isa. hai. ipit nga lang ako sa sitwasyon. pero masayang masaya ako at nagpapasalamat. sana nandito ka ngayon sa library at pinakikinggan ang mga hinaing ko. hai. at alam kong pagod ka rin, pero kakayanin mo iyan. nandito ako. at im sure, makikita mo rin ang hinahanap mo.
hm.
nakakainis, wala akong maisip na topic sa english. kasi naman, wala akong alam sa mga current issues. hai.
excited na akong magtraining ng judo bukas! maglalabas na lamang ako ng sama ng loob.
hai.
in fairness, kailangan ko ng kausap. haha, as in yung seryoso. ewan ko. kumuha na kaya ako ng personal shrink.
or magsisismba na lamang ako?
in fairness, miss ko na si Lord.
ewan ko. mashado kasing busy.
hai. RETREAT! haha. labo.
uy infairness nakakatulong pala itong tina-type ko ngayon. haha. nakagagaan ng loob. pero mas ok sana kung nagsasalita yung screen o kaya naman eh nayayakap ako nung screen. hai. i need a hug. hindi nga lang ata halatang ganung klase ako ng tao. haha.
o ayan, may nagtext. ay, globe lang pala. kala ko may nagmamahal. haha. asa naman. patay ang text life ko.
naku, bigla kong naalala na may test pala kami sa english bukas. haha. wala pa akong alam.
at nakakainis, ang bobo ko sa math at physics. sobra. mamatay na ako. haha.
kumusta naman ang self-esteem ko di ba?.. wala na. zero na. poof.!
haha. anlabo ko talaga.
nararamdaman kong namamanhid na ang kamay ko sa sobrang lamig. (anlabo ata nun. nararamdaman ang namamanhid. WEIRD!)
haha.
kailangan ko na palang ayusin ang mga bagay na gagawin ko.
hehehe.
hindi na ako magkanda ugaga sa kung ano ang uunahin eh.
hehe.
malapit na pala ang long tests. haha.
godbless na lamang sa akin.
shet. ang bobo ko talaga.
ang tanga ko pa.
ahaha. labo talaga.
hai. tama na nga. haha.
*ang labo ng post, pero siguro sobrang nag-make sense na rin. haha. labo. pero may sense. weeeee.. 8) *
hai...
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
para sa'yo.
kala ko masaya ang araw na ito. may nagsabi pa man din sa akin kanina "you seem happy. good for you." ngayon masasabi ko nang tunay ngang nagkamali ang nagsabi nito.
hai, may nangyari kasi eh. hindi inaasahan. and to think na hindi man lamang ako nakapagpaalam sa iyo. hindi man lamang ako nakapagpasalamat sa lahat ng taon na inalagaan mo kami at prinotektahan mo ang aming pamilya. bakit naman kasi biglaan ka nalamang umalis. wala man lamang pasabi. ayan tuloy, ngayon, pinagsisisihan kong hindi ko sinabi sa iyo ang maraming bagay. ngayon, habang buhay na kitang hindi makakausap, makakasama, makakatawanan, makakaiyakan. hai.
pero masaya na rin ako,dahil alam kong nasa isang payapang lugar ka na, at alam kong diyan, hinding hindi ka na masasaktan. hindi ka na kailanman malulungkot, o luluha. kaya masaya na rin ako,kahit na wala ka na kailanman sa tabi ko. salamat.
mamimiss kita. sobra.
hai, may nangyari kasi eh. hindi inaasahan. and to think na hindi man lamang ako nakapagpaalam sa iyo. hindi man lamang ako nakapagpasalamat sa lahat ng taon na inalagaan mo kami at prinotektahan mo ang aming pamilya. bakit naman kasi biglaan ka nalamang umalis. wala man lamang pasabi. ayan tuloy, ngayon, pinagsisisihan kong hindi ko sinabi sa iyo ang maraming bagay. ngayon, habang buhay na kitang hindi makakausap, makakasama, makakatawanan, makakaiyakan. hai.
pero masaya na rin ako,dahil alam kong nasa isang payapang lugar ka na, at alam kong diyan, hinding hindi ka na masasaktan. hindi ka na kailanman malulungkot, o luluha. kaya masaya na rin ako,kahit na wala ka na kailanman sa tabi ko. salamat.
mamimiss kita. sobra.
Sunday, June 10, 2007
im so sick.
hm, i guess we're not ok.
we've made promises, and it seems you dont intend to keep them. or maybe you just forgot?
damn my expectations. curse me for TRUSTING YOU.
*in a rage. *#@&%*@ *
we've made promises, and it seems you dont intend to keep them. or maybe you just forgot?
damn my expectations. curse me for TRUSTING YOU.
*in a rage. *#@&%*@ *
stolen.
just a few things that i stole from kaira's lj. (sorry girl, im just a fan! *lol*)
----
Atenista rants:
1. What's your ID number?
--> 06****
2. Passed or waitlisted?
--> i passed.
3. How did you know about the ACET results?
--> i was in the clinic having my braces adjusted when my dad called me and told me i passed. i sprayed water all over my dentist's face because of shock.
4. Was Ateneo your first choice?
--> eerr, sadly, no. UP was my first choice. if it wasnt for the scholarship, i would have never attended the university.
5. Do you know what your ACET score was?
--> nope. how can you know?
6. What course was your first choice?
--> BS Chemistry with Applied Computer Systems
7. Second choice?
--> ummm, cant remember, bs psychology..?..
8. Ano course mo?
--> BS Chemistry with Applied Computer Systems
9. Did you have any plans of shifting?
--> hm, yes, i planned to shift to psychology, but eventually changed my mind. what can i say, i just LOVE phenolphthalein! (is that the right isfelling?!)
10. Chinito/chinita ka ba?
--> HINDI!
11. Taga-Ateneo High?
--> of course...NOT!
12. Did you have fun in your OrSem?
--> YES!!!
13. Saang gate ka pumasok nung first day?
--> Gate 2.5.
14. Did you stay in a dorm?
--> yes. sa abada.
15. Ever had an F in your grade report?
--> thankfully, not yet. *lol
16. How about an A?
--> Yes. :))
17. Highest grade?
--> A
18. Lowest grade?
--> C (curse you math 21!!)
19. Worst experience in ADMU?
--> i almost fainted in our lab class. cmon, 5 hours straight?! (that's only if we're lucky. believe me, it takes a lot longer than 5.)
20. Did you always attend class?
--> ive cut class, but only when necessary. (hm, define necessary? *lol)
21. What were your orgs?
--> ACheS, Gabay, Aja, Amp (formerly), Wbc (formerly)
22. How many units have you passed?
--> all of them, can't count it off.
23. Nangarap ka bang maglaude?
--> still dreaming. (i dont know till when.)
24. When will you graduate?
--> 2010 for chem, and 2011 for ce/acs. (double degree.)
25. Fave subject/s?
--> PE!!! and chem of course! :D
26. Worst subject/s?
--> math. T_T
27. Fave landmark sa ADMU?
--> gesu church. :)
28. Fave kainan?
--> ampc and happy homes! (tipid!)
29. How did you get to school?
--> walk. (thankful for my comfy slippers and rubbershoes.)
30. Were you always at the lib?
--> first sem, yes, i thought the lib was a sacred place. sems to follow, ive discovered the real world.
31. Ever went to the infirmary when you were sick?
--> nope.
32. Did you have a crush in campus?
--> O_0 *blinks*.
33. May balak kang mag-MS, PhD?
--> yup. but that's still undecided.
34. Have you ever watched a graduation ceremony?
--> nah.
35. Do you know the "Song for Mary" by heart?
--> um, no. *bows head in shame*
36-38. Memorize mo ba ang Fabilioh, Halikinu at Blue Eagle Spelling?
--> blue eagle spelling. (talk about school spirit!)
39. Are you part of Team Ateneo?
--> yup. ateneo judo team. :D
40. Who's your fave UAAP basketball player?
--> jc INTAL!
41. Ever had a perfect score in an exam?
--> yup. :D
42. Ano ang ayaw mo sa Hell Week?
--> the question is, anong gusto ko sa hell week. (coz then i could think of nothing to say.)
43. Dito ka ba natuto uminom ng beer?
--> Nope. :D
44. What do you like most about our school?
--> the ambiance. and the reg. haha. :D
45. Ano ang ayaw mo?
--> the stereotypes.
46. Have you ever bought anything at the A-shop?
--> yep! i bought a shirt and an organizer! :D
47. Maganda ba ID pic mo?
--> ...
48. Done anything illegal on campus?
--> illegal? is sleeping in class illegal?...
49. Bought anything at National Katips?
--> Yes.
50. Ever gone to Starbucks Katips?
--> Yes. but not often.
51. May nakaaway ka na ba sa school?
--> marami. its either because im a warfreak or simply because i care. (i dont know, but id prefer the second one.)
52. QPI?
--> hehe.
----
List 10 things you want to say to people but know you never will. Do not say who they are for.
1. i hate you. i sincerely do. and i hate myself for still wanting to patch things up with you.
2. hey, i know its hard, but you'll make it. (don't fret. im here. :D)
3. please stop. im just scared of falling. (coz i know you'll never catch me.)
4. we're ok, right?
5. i miss you so much. i miss 'us'.
6. stay. that's all i ask of you.
7. save me. i think you're the only one who can.
8. you seem so far. im sorry for pushing myself away from you.
9. we could never get along. but im still trying. i just dont know till when.
10. thank you. i dont talk much, but im truly grateful.
*hmm. XD . *
----
wordplay tagged me. (thanks a lot!! *grins at the sarcasm.* lol!)
Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.
i dont know if im that weird or interesting, but still, this was what ive managed to extract from this vegetated brain of mine:
1. whenever i study for anything, it has always been my ritual to hit my head three times with whatever it is that i studied. i really mean it when i say its 'whatever'. (yes, even with chang and leithold.) *lol*
2. i bother myself with the smallest details. im the perfect example of a workaholic freak, which i think is really unhealthy, but i somehow find enjoyment out of it. i constantly stress about things that i think the normal person would not stress about. i usually sign up for a lot of work and school activities, initially complain about it, but eventually realize that it was what i wanted. i think i find fulfillment out of stress. (this incoming semester would be the most appropriate proof of this claim. *lol)
3. id rather spend my money for other people than to fulfill my own indulgences. and i usually treat people out whenever im sad, the more depressed i am, the more money i spend on other people.
4. im an 'overthinker'. my mind thinks 24/7, even when i sleep. i usually think of more than 2 things at the same time, which would explain my lack of focus during classes. i usually drown out of conversations because im thinking about other matters. even when i sleep, i think of the last problem ive been trying to solve, and end up knowing the solution the moment i open my eyes. i think too much. haha.
5. im afraid of topless girls. *lol*
6. i have a vision of wanting to do everything. and the result, i end up with nothing!
*your turn leo, jau, mica, aaron, inah, and reuben!
----
Atenista rants:
1. What's your ID number?
--> 06****
2. Passed or waitlisted?
--> i passed.
3. How did you know about the ACET results?
--> i was in the clinic having my braces adjusted when my dad called me and told me i passed. i sprayed water all over my dentist's face because of shock.
4. Was Ateneo your first choice?
--> eerr, sadly, no. UP was my first choice. if it wasnt for the scholarship, i would have never attended the university.
5. Do you know what your ACET score was?
--> nope. how can you know?
6. What course was your first choice?
--> BS Chemistry with Applied Computer Systems
7. Second choice?
--> ummm, cant remember, bs psychology..?..
8. Ano course mo?
--> BS Chemistry with Applied Computer Systems
9. Did you have any plans of shifting?
--> hm, yes, i planned to shift to psychology, but eventually changed my mind. what can i say, i just LOVE phenolphthalein! (is that the right isfelling?!)
10. Chinito/chinita ka ba?
--> HINDI!
11. Taga-Ateneo High?
--> of course...NOT!
12. Did you have fun in your OrSem?
--> YES!!!
13. Saang gate ka pumasok nung first day?
--> Gate 2.5.
14. Did you stay in a dorm?
--> yes. sa abada.
15. Ever had an F in your grade report?
--> thankfully, not yet. *lol
16. How about an A?
--> Yes. :))
17. Highest grade?
--> A
18. Lowest grade?
--> C (curse you math 21!!)
19. Worst experience in ADMU?
--> i almost fainted in our lab class. cmon, 5 hours straight?! (that's only if we're lucky. believe me, it takes a lot longer than 5.)
20. Did you always attend class?
--> ive cut class, but only when necessary. (hm, define necessary? *lol)
21. What were your orgs?
--> ACheS, Gabay, Aja, Amp (formerly), Wbc (formerly)
22. How many units have you passed?
--> all of them, can't count it off.
23. Nangarap ka bang maglaude?
--> still dreaming. (i dont know till when.)
24. When will you graduate?
--> 2010 for chem, and 2011 for ce/acs. (double degree.)
25. Fave subject/s?
--> PE!!! and chem of course! :D
26. Worst subject/s?
--> math. T_T
27. Fave landmark sa ADMU?
--> gesu church. :)
28. Fave kainan?
--> ampc and happy homes! (tipid!)
29. How did you get to school?
--> walk. (thankful for my comfy slippers and rubbershoes.)
30. Were you always at the lib?
--> first sem, yes, i thought the lib was a sacred place. sems to follow, ive discovered the real world.
31. Ever went to the infirmary when you were sick?
--> nope.
32. Did you have a crush in campus?
--> O_0 *blinks*.
33. May balak kang mag-MS, PhD?
--> yup. but that's still undecided.
34. Have you ever watched a graduation ceremony?
--> nah.
35. Do you know the "Song for Mary" by heart?
--> um, no. *bows head in shame*
36-38. Memorize mo ba ang Fabilioh, Halikinu at Blue Eagle Spelling?
--> blue eagle spelling. (talk about school spirit!)
39. Are you part of Team Ateneo?
--> yup. ateneo judo team. :D
40. Who's your fave UAAP basketball player?
--> jc INTAL!
41. Ever had a perfect score in an exam?
--> yup. :D
42. Ano ang ayaw mo sa Hell Week?
--> the question is, anong gusto ko sa hell week. (coz then i could think of nothing to say.)
43. Dito ka ba natuto uminom ng beer?
--> Nope. :D
44. What do you like most about our school?
--> the ambiance. and the reg. haha. :D
45. Ano ang ayaw mo?
--> the stereotypes.
46. Have you ever bought anything at the A-shop?
--> yep! i bought a shirt and an organizer! :D
47. Maganda ba ID pic mo?
--> ...
48. Done anything illegal on campus?
--> illegal? is sleeping in class illegal?...
49. Bought anything at National Katips?
--> Yes.
50. Ever gone to Starbucks Katips?
--> Yes. but not often.
51. May nakaaway ka na ba sa school?
--> marami. its either because im a warfreak or simply because i care. (i dont know, but id prefer the second one.)
52. QPI?
--> hehe.
----
List 10 things you want to say to people but know you never will. Do not say who they are for.
1. i hate you. i sincerely do. and i hate myself for still wanting to patch things up with you.
2. hey, i know its hard, but you'll make it. (don't fret. im here. :D)
3. please stop. im just scared of falling. (coz i know you'll never catch me.)
4. we're ok, right?
5. i miss you so much. i miss 'us'.
6. stay. that's all i ask of you.
7. save me. i think you're the only one who can.
8. you seem so far. im sorry for pushing myself away from you.
9. we could never get along. but im still trying. i just dont know till when.
10. thank you. i dont talk much, but im truly grateful.
*hmm. XD . *
----
wordplay tagged me. (thanks a lot!! *grins at the sarcasm.* lol!)
Each player of this game starts with 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.
i dont know if im that weird or interesting, but still, this was what ive managed to extract from this vegetated brain of mine:
1. whenever i study for anything, it has always been my ritual to hit my head three times with whatever it is that i studied. i really mean it when i say its 'whatever'. (yes, even with chang and leithold.) *lol*
2. i bother myself with the smallest details. im the perfect example of a workaholic freak, which i think is really unhealthy, but i somehow find enjoyment out of it. i constantly stress about things that i think the normal person would not stress about. i usually sign up for a lot of work and school activities, initially complain about it, but eventually realize that it was what i wanted. i think i find fulfillment out of stress. (this incoming semester would be the most appropriate proof of this claim. *lol)
3. id rather spend my money for other people than to fulfill my own indulgences. and i usually treat people out whenever im sad, the more depressed i am, the more money i spend on other people.
4. im an 'overthinker'. my mind thinks 24/7, even when i sleep. i usually think of more than 2 things at the same time, which would explain my lack of focus during classes. i usually drown out of conversations because im thinking about other matters. even when i sleep, i think of the last problem ive been trying to solve, and end up knowing the solution the moment i open my eyes. i think too much. haha.
5. im afraid of topless girls. *lol*
6. i have a vision of wanting to do everything. and the result, i end up with nothing!
*your turn leo, jau, mica, aaron, inah, and reuben!
Sunday, June 03, 2007
what major is right for you?
this came out shocking for me. thought i'd take the quiz as well. haha.
the course im currently taking came out 7th in the list. unbelievable! haha. but i honestly did plan on shifting to psychology. haha. oh well. no regrets. im happy with my my course. well, for now that is. :D
| You scored as Psychology/Sociology, You should strongly consider majoring (or minoring) in Psychology, Sociology, or related majors (e.g., Counseling, Industrial-Organizational (I-O) Psychology, Social Work, or other social science majors). It is possible that the best major for you is your 2nd, 3rd, or even 5th listed category, so be sure to consider ALL majors in your OTHER high scoring categories (below). You may score high in a category you didnt think you would--it is possible that a great major for you is something you once dismissed as not for you. The right major for you will be something 1) you love and enjoy and 2) are really great at it. Consider adding a minor or double majoring to make yourself standout and to combine your interests. Psychology and Sociology are both great minors to add to any major. Please post your results in your myspace/blog/journal.
WHAT MAJOR IS RIGHT FOR YOU? created with QuizFarm.com |
the course im currently taking came out 7th in the list. unbelievable! haha. but i honestly did plan on shifting to psychology. haha. oh well. no regrets. im happy with my my course. well, for now that is. :D
Friday, June 01, 2007
the art of self perfection and self realization.
its amazing how a single semester of pe could change the track of your entire college life.
i recall saying to myself that i would very much like to become a student athlete once i enter the university. although then, i pictured myself to be part of the lady eagles basketball team, wearing the blue and white jersey printed with bold letters of the ATENEO DE MANILA UNIVERSITY, sprinting around the araneta, hearing the screeching sound of my snickers echoing around the basketball court. this however would forever remain a fantasy.
my dream of becoming a student athlete came true, however in a different form. never have i imagined myself to go into the martial arts, most especially judo. and it all happened because of a pe class that my friend wanted to take up. i recall posting in my former blogger (http://shut-me-out.blogspot.com) how overly petrified i was when i learned that she wanted me to join the same class. well, i went through with it for one whole semester. i never expected an invitation from our coach since i wasnt what you'd call competition material. i was just having fun! it didnt occur to me that i would have the option of taking the sport to the next level!
i did accept the offer, with the consideration of both the positive and negative consequences of my decision. of course, such a privilege of competing for the university entitled me of certain responsibilities. i knew that the moment that i said yes, everything would be different. i remember my coach telling me that being a student athlete would be a greater challenge than trying to graduate in the ateneo alone.
good thing im willing to take the challenge. and in the process of actually joining the varsity team, ive learned to love judo as a sport and as a martial art. ive learned to respect the art itself and im willing to extend my knowledge of it not only for my own leisure but for the university im competing for.
its already been 2 months since the track of my college life took on a different route. there may be a couple of ruff turns,but despite this, im willing to drive on.
You progress not through what has been done, but reaching towards what has yet to be done -Kahlil Gibran
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
stress.
i just realized na if ever na sa UP ako nag aral kung saan may CRS, sobrang sumuko na ako. grabe, ang bilis ko palang ma-stress sa mga ganoong bagay. ang bilis ko palang ma-stress sa mga bagay na sa tingin ko ay sobrang imposrtante, kagaya nga ng aking class schedule at program of study sa ateneo. well, i believe na its of great significance. hehe. (hindi naman siguro ako weird para sabihing importante iyon, eh hello acads at future ko ang nakataya roon). at gusto ko lamang maayos na ngayon pa lamang ang schedules para tuloy tuloy na sa registration, hindi iyong papupuntahin ka pa kung saan saan para maayos na. hai. buti na rin sigurong mastress ako ngayon at gumawa ng aksyon kaysa naman pagsisihan ko in the long run.
hai. stress.
salamat na rin siguro. (like i said in my previous post: i LOVE stress. haha.)
hai. stress.
salamat na rin siguro. (like i said in my previous post: i LOVE stress. haha.)
Sunday, May 27, 2007
hang over.
im embarrased to say that i miss school. dont get me wrong, it has been a very hectic schedule, however, im not used to not doing anything. or im just not used to doing something that is without any extreme need or importance whatsoever. i know i know, im crazy right?
its already been the second day of my two-week vacation and i cant seem to adjust my body clock. ive been consistently waking up at 7:30 in the morning which was my usual wake up time during the summer classes in the dormitory. ive lost plenty of hours sleep during the summer, that i was planning to redeem during the vacation but it seems that in this rate, its not possible. what's even more weird, i want to read my chem 35 book, quantitative chemistry. oh skoog, how i miss thee!! and talk about shakespeare. i miss analyzing poems as well. 'why hast thou left me in despair?'. and i want to throw people around!!! (i miss judo!).
oh, summer, what hast thou done to me?
this is just too paradoxical. (it seems false, however, its true.)
what can i say, i LOVE stress. haha.
its already been the second day of my two-week vacation and i cant seem to adjust my body clock. ive been consistently waking up at 7:30 in the morning which was my usual wake up time during the summer classes in the dormitory. ive lost plenty of hours sleep during the summer, that i was planning to redeem during the vacation but it seems that in this rate, its not possible. what's even more weird, i want to read my chem 35 book, quantitative chemistry. oh skoog, how i miss thee!! and talk about shakespeare. i miss analyzing poems as well. 'why hast thou left me in despair?'. and i want to throw people around!!! (i miss judo!).
oh, summer, what hast thou done to me?
this is just too paradoxical. (it seems false, however, its true.)
what can i say, i LOVE stress. haha.
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